


Arise

by Aearyn



Category: Dragon's Dogma
Genre: F/M, and awkwardness, it's mostly fluff, ok i didn't do that once but still, probably smut at some point because when have i not done that, there will definitely be smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-16
Updated: 2018-08-26
Packaged: 2019-06-28 04:03:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 29,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15699765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aearyn/pseuds/Aearyn
Summary: Basically I love my Pawn okay and I want a happy ending for him and my OC so voila, a fic.Ok so let me preface this by saying that my setting is nearly an AU of Dragon's Dogma, because there are a few aspects of the lore that I REALLY don't like :| So here are some changes I should explain to avoid confusion (I will add more as the story goes on, if necessary). The original pawn is chosen, not 'created'. While the Arisen does grant more humanity to their Pawn over time, the Pawn doesn't start...turning into the Arisen, or whatever. They don't become alike, they just become more human.Well hope you enjoy - there is not much DDDA content out there (and I have read a bunch of it already lol) so I don't know who will want to read this but maybe one or two poor sods who are starved for content.





	1. Chapter 1

Yrasah felt uncomfortable with the notion that any person should be bound to her in the way Pawns apparently were.

True, Pawns weren’t exactly human, but…she still didn’t like it. But she needed help, she couldn’t deny it, and supposedly she had a job to do, just like other Arisen had. She had to destroy the dragon and get her heart back. And on the way she had to assist and protect those in need in Gransys. She couldn’t do all that alone.

But when she went into the Rift, spoke to some of the Pawns she’d seen there, she felt unsure. Confused as to how she was supposed to choose someone out of all these people milling about – she knew she needed someone strong, but that was about it. Since she wielded a bow and preferred to engage foes at range, she would have to have a companion who could engage them up close, but did she want a man? A woman? And what weapons should they use? What about personality – did Pawns even have those?

She even felt a little guilty every time she turned one down. They displayed absolutely no reaction to her dismissal, but all the same she felt as if she was doing them a disservice. Then again…perhaps the one she chose was the one who would get the short end of the stick. Her life recently – and even more so going forward – was not exactly comfortable, or easy.

The Rift itself did not bolster her confidence or her spirits. It was a place of nothingness; fog, darkness, silence. She didn’t like it.

As she shook her head at a young mage girl, she heaved a sigh of disappointment. Mostly in herself; she should have just come in and pick someone, there was no reason to waste so much time.

A deep voice startled her. “Is something amiss, Arisen?”

She whirled around, strawberry blonde braid swinging behind her. From the misty edges of the Rift another Pawn approached; few of them addressed her first, most waited for her to speak to them. This one was tall, very solidly built, although no more so, she told herself, than some of the others she’d met. He wore a shield strapped to his back, and a large one-handed sword. Dark hair pulled back from a tan face, dark eyes. No expression – just like all of them. She cleared her throat to cover another sigh, and mustered a smile.

“I’m afraid I’m having difficulty choosing,” she admitted.

“It is an important decision, as your chosen Pawn will remain with you almost constantly,” he replied somberly. “It is understandable that you would wish to weigh your options carefully.”

She tilted her head. He was right, actually. It was momentous, and if she chose poorly she’d have many months to regret it – assuming she didn’t get killed any time soon, which was always a possibility.

“Thank you. What is your name?” He was right in front of her now, and in the swirling light of the Rift she thought she caught the hint of color in his eyes.

“I am called Lothar.” His voice was quite nice too.

 _Don’t choose him because he’s handsome, idiot_ , her brain hissed.

“My name is Yrasah,” she told him, ignoring the voice in her head. “I am looking for a defensive companion. As you can see, I prefer to use ranged attacks,” she added, gesturing to the bow on her back.

He nodded. “Perhaps we would make a good team. I am skilled in melee defensive tactics. And I would be honored to defend the Arisen from any foe.”

She blinked. It was so odd, the way they seemed to…not quite revere her, but something like it. But she had to remind herself, it wasn’t her personally, it was merely her status as Arisen that drew their gaze and their respect.

She crossed her arms as she stared at him for a moment. It didn’t seem to make him uncomfortable; he merely stood, returning her gaze without impatience or pressure to respond. She put a fist to her lips as she thought.

It was true – he was pleasant to look at; and not just that, but his voice was calming and warm, even if his manner wasn’t. And he had the skills she was looking for.

But most importantly, he made her feel…safe. She felt a little less intimidated by this entire endeavor, now that he was in front of her, the uneasy sensations the Rift brought out in her fading in his presence.

That was what she wanted – after everything that had happened to her, she wanted a companion she could be confident in, put her trust in, and that was the feeling he gave her.

She nodded and stuck out her hand. “The Arisen would be honored to have you as a companion,” she said formally, but with a little smile.

His hand was much larger than hers, and she stuffed down a little thrill when it closed around her own.

“Thank you. I assure you your trust in me will not be misplaced.”

*******

Yr’s eyes widened as she hurried to nock another arrow in her bow. They’d taken down five of these bandit bastards already, but as Lothar prevented the largest of them from charging at her, the bandit Mage – whom she’d already wounded – stepped behind a boulder, out of her line of sight, and she could see the bright purple hue of a foul spell as he prepared to cast. But Lothar and the large beast of a man he was fighting were now between her and the mage; if she tried to move past them she’d have to resort to her daggers, not her preference but she might have to make do.

She was stupid to have said they could come here by themselves, without any other pawns. But she still felt uncomfortable contracting any of them, and hated going into the Rift. Reasons aside, it was foolish, and she should never have done it – she was risking her own life and Lothar’s as well. Well…he couldn’t die, not exactly, but that didn’t matter. She’d put them in danger.

She made sure Lothar saw her so he could properly stay between her and the bandit berserker – one blow from his monstrous hammer might crush her entirely – and dodged around the boulder.

Just in time to see the mage raise his hands in preparation to cast a spell at her Pawn; but she guessed he’d be just as happy she put herself right in his view. She had a split second to decide whether to dodge, but she couldn’t – not only did she not want to see Lothar hit in the back with some devious magic, but if the mage took him out, she could never best these last two opponents alone.

She threw up her left shoulder protectively, her arm in front of her face. A blinding jolt of electricity thrummed along her skin and right down to her bones.

She couldn’t even get a breath to scream, and her left arm dropped, useless. She heard Lothar’s shocked voice in the background – “Arisen! No!” – but her decision was a sound one, as some of the spell had reverberated back onto the mage, who stood there, dazed. He never thought the Arisen would choose to come within melee distance of him, and had intended to take out her Pawn at a distance.

Yr had little strength left after absorbing most of that spell, but she managed to take advantage of the mage’s momentary lapse to plant the dagger in her right hand into his ribs.

Then she collapsed.

Lothar was by her in an instant. She managed to turn her head to the side, anxious that he was leaving himself open to their last assailant to come and assist her, but the brute lay prone on the ground, Lothar’s sword still protruding from his belly.

“Arisen! I must get you to the healer!” His voice was held a note of something she hadn’t heard from him before…desperation? But surely not.

Then again, for the Arisen to die in such a lackluster way might inspire a bit of desperation even in a Pawn, she supposed.

“Sorry,” she managed as he bent over her. When he slid his arms under her, she winced slightly – she would have done worse, but her muscles wouldn’t quite respond to her commands.

“Do not be sorry,” he mumbled, sliding her bow over his shoulder and lifting her easily. “It is I who failed in my duty to protect you.”

She wanted to deny this, but she couldn’t manage any more words, and soon lost consciousness as Lothar headed back to Gran Soren at a jog.

*******

Dreams of a warm fire and rain outside faded as her eyes fluttered open. She was in a room at the inn, one she frequented. Immediately she remembered everything that happened, and wondered why she wasn’t in pain; she would have expected—

She tried to lift her hand to rub her eyes, and there it was: a jolt of agony shooting through from her ribs to her fingertips. Shouldn’t have moved that side first, what a mistake. She lifted her right hand instead, and found it was mostly functioning.

“Arisen!”

She turned her head to find Lothar at the door, a strange look on his face.

“How—” she rasped, and he quickly came forward to pour a mug of water from the pitcher on the wash stand. He lifted her slightly to drink, and she barely managed not to grimace at the movement as she drank the water down. “How long was I out?”

“It’s only been a day. The healers say they managed to repair everything but you will be in a lot of pain for a few more days, at least.”

“Bollocks,” she whispered fervently. “It’s only what I deserve, though.”

“That is nonsense, Arisen,” Lothar insisted sternly. “Although perhaps I should join in your scolding and tell you it was foolish of you to intercept a spell meant for me.” That odd expression surfaced in his eyes again.

“Couldn’t let them take you down,” she said, shaking her head. Then she met his eyes, a twinkle in her own. “You’re my favorite Pawn.”

He made a noise that was half sigh and half chuckle, and she was shocked to see a very slight quirk at the corner of his mouth. Was he…smiling at her joke?

“Promise me we will not go so far afield without more Pawns, Arisen,” he said, suddenly serious again. “I would be very…perturbed if you were to die when I have only been able to serve you for a few short weeks.”

“As would I,” she answered wryly, but it was the truth. She’d accomplished little so far, and had much yet left to do. “And damned if I’ll give that blasted dragon the satisfaction,” she mumbled to herself.

She looked back at him. “But…do you think we could find who we need around the Guild? I…I would prefer not to…”

“I am well aware of your aversion to the Rift, Master. Yes, I am sure we could find one or two useful companions without you having to step into it again.”

She smiled at him, but he looked away. “Lothar…does it…offend you, that I don’t like the Rift?” The Pawns often studied human behavior so as to blend in better in this world, but she herself would be displeased if she was offending her closest companion without meaning to.

“Offend me? It does not matter to me either way, Master.”

“Oh. Well, I mean since it’s…sort of where you come from?”

“It is not.” He said this with such finality that her eyes widened.

“It…it isn’t?”

He shook his head. “I do not know from whence I sprang, not exactly, but I can tell you it was a real place, not the dark ether of the Rift.”

She stared at him, shocked. “I…I thought…oh. Well, it appears I do not know enough about you.”

“There is little enough to know – as I said, I have no details. And the Arisen should not concern herself with the trivial life of a Pawn, in any case.”

“Your life is not trivial to me, Lothar!”

She hadn’t meant to sound so vehement, but it was true – he was important to her. Perhaps more than he should be. Of course, he was her constant companion, it only made sense that—

“Ah, Arisen, you’ve awakened!” An older man in Healer’s robes appeared at the door. “I am Healer Padrus. Pawn – you are dismissed,” he said, barely glancing in Lothar’s direction, and waving his hand.

Lothar made to get up, but Yrasah grabbed his wrist and glared at the older man. “I appreciate your efforts on my behalf, Padrus, but no one may dismiss Lothar but me,” she said flatly, putting ever so slight stress on Lothar’s name.

The Healer and Lothar both blinked, and Yr swore she saw a slight flush creep over her Pawn’s cheeks.

“Er…yes, well, an Arisen’s bond and all that,” Padrus mumbled, and came forward to lay a hand against her forehead. Yr let go of Lothar’s hand so he could step back and allow the Healer to do his work, but she knew he wouldn’t go far.

He fussed over her for several minutes, checking the range of motion in her arm, and giving her a salve she might use for pain.

“And you really should recover for at least five more days, but since I’m sure the Arisen will have important things to do, I would say you might be allowed to do a bit of light exercise in three.”

She groaned. “Three days! I’ve already lost one—”

“Yes and you’ll lose many more if you overdo it!”

She huffed an agreement, and Padrus left.

“Why did you do that?” Lothar immediately asked, quiet and stern.

“Well I can’t just lay in bed for five days, we’ve things to do! There’s that tome—”

“That’s not what I meant.”

Her mouth shut abruptly, and she looked away, face burning. “I do not wish for you to be treated like a piece of furniture,” she mumbled.

“You should not put your relationship with others at risk for me, Arisen. He was right, I _am_ only a Pawn.”

“You are a Pawn, but to me you are much more than that!” As soon as the words left her mouth, she knew she shouldn’t have said it. She plucked at the blanket, couldn’t meet his eyes. “I mean I…you’re…you’re my companion, I rely on you…”

“I see,” he rumbled, and she did look up then, and the odd intensity of his eyes caught her as effectively as a hook catches a fish.

“I should let you rest,” he said abruptly, breaking her gaze and heading for the door.

“Lothar—”

“Do you have need of something before I go, Arisen?”

She sighed. “No, nothing, thank you.”

When the door was closed she flopped back down on the bed, making a face at the pain of her injured left side. What was she doing? Being an idiot. She should repair this awkwardness she’d created between them with her foolish words. Explain to him that she just meant he was a valuable companion, and she trusted him, that was all.

She could repeat this lie to herself a thousand times, but it didn’t make it true.


	2. Chapter 2

The days of her recovery passed slowly; Lothar brought her books to read, and even went so far as to speak with some pawns and bring them by for her to meet, to save time once she was ready to set out again. Two of them seemed like a good addition. Grimm was a young, wiry Pawn with ink black hair and eyes against a ghost-pale face, who wielded two strange curved blades. And Ava was a tall mage whose white hair belied her youthful face, with curative abilities as well as some other useful spells. They would join her when she was recovered enough to resume her travels.

She knew that she would do so before she was free of pain, because a little pain was nothing compared to the awkwardness and boredom she currently endured.

She hoped the shift in her relationship with Lothar wasn’t permanent. He’d never been…affectionate before, or anything more than polite, but now he was coldly impersonal. When she tried to speak to him about it, he would make up some excuse, and leave. In fact, he barely spent any time in her presence at all.

But the innkeeper came to check on her semi-illustrious guest, and she revealed something that made Yrasah even more confused. Apparently Lothar had almost never left her side after her injury, until she awoke.

At first she was stupidly gratified by this piece of information, but the inappropriate feelings that bubbled within her were soon quelled. Of course he was concerned – he was the Pawn of the Arisen. To the Pawns, their greatest duty would be to serve an Arisen, and it was a responsibility they did not take lightly. It only made sense for him to keep an eye on her while she was unconscious.

For another, it seemed to indicate that while he was fine being in her presence when she was sleeping, he didn’t much care for it when she was awake. If anything further was needed to douse her nascent hope – hope of _what_ , she knew not – this did the trick.

Understanding, after this, that Lothar had no wish to be better acquainted with her, no wish to deepen their friendship, and preferred to keep his distance and merely serve as her impartial protector, she did her best to mimic his manner with her. Stopped trying to joke, get him to display that ghost of a smile again. Stopped laying her hand on his arm when he was near enough.

She felt ashamed, now, that she’d been so familiar with him. How foolish she must have looked.

On the third day since the accident, she got out of the bed to do some stretching.

It was excruciating, but the good news was, she had full use of all her muscles. While it might take some concentration to properly wield her bow without being distracted by the pain, she felt confident she could do it.

She bit her lip and glanced at her bow in the corner. It was fortuitous Lothar had been able to bring it back – his own sword had not survived the encounter. He’d left it there to bring her to the city for Healing, and given their adventures in that area it wasn’t wise for him to go back alone to find it. It was likely gone anyway, stolen by more of those very bandits, or else goblins. She’d given him carte blanche with her coin purse so he could buy a new weapon; he wasn’t much use if he couldn’t defend them. And they’d built up plenty of funds with all the bounties they’d brought in over the past weeks.

She picked up her bow, ran her hand lovingly down the glowing wood. A weapon that her family had chipped in together to buy for her from a travelling merchant – much too grand for the use to which she’d originally put it – hunting for supper. When supper wasn’t fish, anyway. But it had adjusted well to hunting bandits, goblins, and undead, among other things, and she knew she was lucky to have kept it through everything.

She pulled gingerly at the string. Her shoulder protested; she closed her eyes, gritted her teeth, and pulled again. Tears pricked her eyes, and finally overflowed as she took aim, her arm shaking at the effort of holding the curved bow in position against the pain of her injury.

She heard a step outside the door, and lowered the bow, but not fast enough – Lothar practically scowled at her as he came into the room. He set down the tray of food he was carrying and turned to her, crossing his arms.

“Are you trying to injure yourself further, Master?”

Did she hear irony in his voice when he called her Master? Surely not.

“I was testing my limits, that is all. I think I will be ready to set out on the morrow.”

“Your face tells a different story.”

She hastily wiped her eyes, turning away to set the bow in the corner. “Obviously I need to learn to manage the pain better and not be so affected by it. It matters little – it will soon fade.”

“You will be no use to anyone if you are in too much pain to function, Arisen.”

She took a deep breath before she faced him, keeping her expression carefully neutral. “Your opinion is noted. Thank you.”

His brow lowered, lips pursed. Was he angry? Perhaps not quite that, but displeased at least. Now was when he’d cite some imaginary chore and leave the room.

“You are not happy,” he said unexpectedly.

Her bland façade dropped. “W-what?”

“You are displeased with me. It is obvious.”

She struggled for words. It was true; she wasn’t satisfied with their relationship, not as it had been the past couple of days. But… “I wouldn’t say that, exactly.”

“I may lack the full breadth of emotion that you enjoy, Arisen, but my powers of observation are not in question.” His arms were still crossed, and she hoped he was enjoying the extra height he had on her when he was in boots and she was not.

“If I’m the one that’s supposed to be vexed, why are _you_ acting so snarky all of a sudden?” She hadn’t really meant to be so blunt, but she did want to know. It was grossly unlike him.

He looked momentarily nonplussed. “What is…snarky?”

She rolled her eyes. “Never mind. You’ve been avoiding me, and when you do speak to me it’s to scold or be sarcastic. And no, I am not exactly pleased with this turn of events, thank you.”

The quirk! It made a brief appearance, and she could almost feel her face light up, and struggled to tone down her delight.

“I am happy to see your manner return to its usual state,” he said almost drily.

“Me?? You’re the one that’s—”

“I apologize, Master. I was trying to…I thought…” He was suddenly awkward, almost shy, and though it confused her, she took pity on him.

“It’s fine, Lothar, but could we please just go back to the way we were? It’s not exactly in my nature to be cold to you, or anyone.”

“Anyone besides Padrus?”

She laughed outright at that. “Yes, Padrus can stuff it.” This time he gave her what she could almost call a smirk, and her chest tightened.

Abruptly her peculiar ailment profoundly bothered her. She sat heavily on the bed, clutching her chest, all levity gone from her face.

“Arisen? What is wrong?”

“I’m no different from you, really,” she whispered almost to herself. “People say Pawns aren’t really human, but what am I? I’m missing something that makes a human whole. Some strange magic is keeping me alive. A dragon _ate_ my heart. I can’t… _feel_ it, anymore…what _am_ I without it…”

A wave of panic rolled over her, almost as bad as when she’d first woken up in Cassardis, and her free hand clenched in the covers as she tried to take deep breaths to regain her calm.

Lothar knelt before her, took her hands in his. But she couldn’t look at him – couldn’t focus on anything but the gaping hole where her heart should be, the lack of its beat—

When she didn’t respond, he forcefully unclenched her hands, and linked his fingers through hers. Finally she blinked, and looked up to find his face inches away.

“Arisen…your heart may be missing. But it changes nothing. You are still _more_. More alive than any other human.”

The candlelight illuminated the deep green of his eyes, and she searched them in confusion. “I don’t understand.”

“You are…important…” Now he was the one who seemed unsure.

She gave a humorless chuckle. “Yes, I know, kill the dragon, save the world—”

“That’s not what I mean. You are important to _me_ ,” he said quietly.

Suddenly she was hyper aware of their proximity, their linked hands. _That’s not what he means_ , she told herself. _Don’t be ridiculous_! “Yes, Barnaby told me how it is with the Pawn of an Arisen…”

“What did he tell you? That an Arisen develops a connection with their Pawn, that they share a close relationship?”

She nodded.

“I’m not sure it is only that. It is true - you have so much life inside you that it overflows onto me. I feel things, now, that I could not have imagined just a moon ago. And you probably still think I am stiff and emotionless, but I can tell you, much has changed. In my heart.”

Not really knowing what she was doing, she gently pulled one hand away from his. “I have seen the change,” she murmured. Then she laid her hand against his cheek. “You smile, now.”

His eyes were wide, almost afraid, and she didn’t want to risk a misstep again. She dropped her hand to his arm and leaned back a little. “It makes me happy, that you can feel…happiness, I guess,” she trailed off, looked away.

“I begin to feel…other things, too,” he whispered. But then he stood, though he retained a hold of her hand.

“Thank you for your words, Lothar. I’m sorry for letting my anxiety overcome me.”

“You have too much on your shoulders, Arisen. I would never expect you to be composed all the time.”

He finally released her hand, and turned to the tray on the table, which she only now realized held more food than usual. “Now – I hope this stew has not gotten cold, and I thought we might eat together. If…if that pleases you, Master.”

Yr smiled brilliantly. “I’m sorry, I derailed your dinner plans with my ill-timed bow practice, hm? Is that why you were cross with me?”

“Indeed,” he answered, but she saw the twinkle in his eye.

Damnation…she’d had inappropriate thoughts when he’d worn no expressions at all, and now…

She sat across from him at the table and toyed with her food. “You know, I’ve never asked you, but…you must not eat, when you’re in the rift? How does that work?”

“We need not eat much, in general,” he answered. “Although I find myself becoming hungry more and more often, lately – perhaps also a result of my connection to you.”

“Interesting.”

“Mm. But no, in the Rift…do you know what is strange? The longer I am out of it, the less I remember what it’s like…”

They ate in silence for a few minutes; she could tell he was trying to think of how best to explain.

“The Rift is…nothing. Nowhere. When I am there, time does not pass. That is part of the reason there is no need to eat, or drink, or anything that humans would do normally. We just…are. Until we leave and come out into the world, and time asserts itself again.”

“Fascinating…perhaps that is why I find it so off-putting. It’s just…the absence of the things by which I judge that I’m alive, and awake!”

He nodded. “Yes – now that I have been serving you for two moons, even I feel a slight…reluctance to return.”

“I’m glad we’re in agreement then,” Yr chuckled. “So…you said you came from somewhere? How do you know that you came from somewhere else, if you don’t remember?”

“I suppose I do…remember. A bit. A glimpse, only.”

He glanced at her. She raised her eyebrows, encouraging him to continue.

“I remember…being a child. A human child – I was afraid. And fascinated. My heart raced, my skin crawled… It’s almost hard for me to think of it now, the emotions seem so overwhelming…”

Yrasah stared. She’d never heard of Pawns having a past before, what did it mean?

“What were you afraid of?”

“The sky. It was green, swirling, rocks and trees floating upward…someone grabbed my hand, and that was it. That is all I remember.”

Yr blinked, then sat back in her chair with a loud sigh. “Amazing! So you were human, once, and somehow you came to be a Pawn…”

He looked at her strangely. “You do not doubt that I was once human?”

“Well you said you _felt_ , so…”

“I have told others about this once or twice, over the years – including Barnaby – and it has always been met with great skepticism.”

“Well that doesn’t make sense. If you had never felt – which as a Pawn at least, you haven’t, until I plucked you from the Rift,” she smiled briefly at this, “anyway if you had never experienced emotions, how would you know how to describe them? If it wasn’t a memory, you’d have no way to say what they were.”

He seemed struck by this. “That is…true.” He let out his own sigh, which sounded like one of relief. “I know what I remember, but having others doubt its veracity so strongly has made me wonder…but your assessment is very accurate. There is no way I could…imagine those feelings.”

“Do you want to try to figure out what happened?” Yr knew that she would be hell bent on discovering the truth; her curiosity would eat her up if she didn’t eat least try. In fact, she was very much afraid her curiosity over Lothar’s origins might aggravate her to no end, as it was.

“I do, but I have no idea where to begin. Plus…it has been hundreds of years since the first time I came into this world.”

Yr blinked. “H-hundreds? How do you know?”

“I always try to find word of someone that I knew when last I was outside the Rift, when I take on a new contract. As I said, time does not pass inside the Rift, so it’s impossible to tell from that. But normally I will discover that my previous Master is now an old man, or something like.”

Yr was struck by the sadness of this. “It seems so…lonely, to know that everyone you knew might be dead when next you step out your door…”

“I have never thought it so before. But…now, I…” He trailed off, and suddenly began clearing off the table.

“You should sleep, Arisen. Tomorrow, perhaps we can train in the courtyard a bit – I would prefer that we do so together, to avoid you overexerting yourself.” This time he definitely smirked, and she snorted and looked away.

“Thank you, Lothar. For your help, and dinner, and…for sharing your story with me. I’m honored to know something like that about you.”

He stopped in the doorway. “I am glad I shared it with you.”

Then he was gone.


	3. Chapter 3

Grimm joined them in the yard the next morning – Lothar suggested it would do her little good to beat against his own shield arm, considering shielded opponents were not usually her focus. She agreed; she wanted to see Grimm in action anyway.

She hadn’t really realized how fiercely Pawns might train.

“You cannot be so aggressive with the Arisen!” Lothar insisted for the second time. “She has just recovered from a serious injury!”

“Apologies,” Grimm said without inflection. “It is hard to remember that she will not heal if injured.”

“That I—of course I don’t, what do you mean?” she asked, panting, her shoulder throbbing. Why would he think such a thing?

“Arisen, when Pawns practice together, we give little thought to wounds we might inflict. As you know, we cannot die, so even mortal wounds are irrelevant. I will show you.”

“No! No, don’t—”

It was too late; Lothar had beckoned to Grimm, and the much smaller fighter came after him at what seemed like lightning speed.

Lothar tossed him aside with his shield as if swatting a fly, and Grimm slammed into a practice dummy with great force, splintering its arms from the trunk. Yr gasped with dismay.

He got up, shook his head, and went in again; he did this thrice, and got knocked away each time.

The fourth time, he twirled so quickly Yr could barely see which direction he was dodging, and his blades flashed in the morning sun.

Lothar grunted, and put a hand to his side. It came away bloody.

“Lothar!”

“I am fine, Arisen,” he assured her, though his voice was slightly pained. Grimm came to stand beside him, and gave a little bow.

“He will heal in minutes, Master,” Grimm added, turning his own arm this way and that.

She thought she heard the crunch of bone as he did so, and shuddered.

“I’m…glad to have seen this display,” she lied, “but yes, please be assured I would prefer not to be skewered; I already was once this year and that’s my limit.”

Lothar actually snorted; Grimm turned to him with an expression of mild surprise – which for a Pawn was equivalent to astonishment.

“Your levity is…concerning,” Grimm noted as he wiped his blades.

Lothar met her eyes for a moment, and that twinkle was there again; her stomach clenched. “It is my connection to the Arisen,” he explained to Grimm.

“I see. It seems rather unbecoming of a Pawn.”

“I disagree, Grimm,” Yr argued, trying not to laugh. “At least _someone_ finds me funny.”

“I do not think I understand the discussion,” the mage Ava spoke up from her seat on a bench, ready to heal the Arisen should her training prove injurious.

“Do not worry, I’m sure neither of you need fear an excess of levity,” Yr pointed out drily.

“I do not fear it,” Ava replied, and Yr assumed she meant there was no chance of such a thing. “I think it seems quite pleasant.”

Yr’s smile faded as she regarded the other woman. “Do you? So…do some Pawns _wish_ to have more…range of emotion, and such?”

Ava considered it for a moment. “I believe sometimes we do, yes.”

A wave of sadness washed over Yrasah. But then something occurred to her. “Does it…have absolutely no effect, being contracted with me? I know that you will not have the same experience as Lothar, but I just wonder if proximity to an Arisen might…well, I don’t know.”

Ava regarded her placidly. “Perhaps we shall see in a few days’ time, Arisen.”

Yr smiled briefly at her. “Perhaps.”

“I for one wish for no such thing – all your emotions seem very exhausting to me.” Grimm’s tone was decisive.

“Well, I am glad to know you are satisfied.” Yr nodded to him, and began to gather her things – her shoulder had been aching dreadfully during the whole conversation, and she wished nothing more than to put the salve on it that Padrus had given her, and rest for a bit. She hated that half an hour’s exertion had tired her so, but there was no help for it.

Ava caught up with her as she headed back into the inn. “You seem still much affected by your injury, Arisen.”

Yr nodded ruefully. “I am indeed, and I must shake it off or we can accomplish nothing.”

“If you would allow me, I have been working on a spell for that. But I have not tested it on a human yet, only other Pawns, and as you know our recovery abilities are different than yours, so I would not want to—”

Yr stopped in the hallway. “Ava, if you have something that could help with this, by all means, experiment away! As long as it doesn’t completely incapacitate me, it can’t be worse than the state I’m in now.”

Ava nodded, and gestured for them to continue up the stairs. “Lothar told me you are using a balm for the pain – it might be best if you used that first, as you will likely sleep for some time after my spell is complete. My theory is that…”

As they made it to Yrasah’s room and she began putting her things away, Ava explained the object of the spell to her – perhaps in more detail than Yr could understand, but she was fascinated by the attention to detail and inventiveness of what Ava had created.

As directed, she doffed her padded overshirt and allowed Ava to apply the soothing salve to her left shoulder and arm. She gave a sigh of relief as the medicine began to seep in, blunting the edge of the pain. Then she lay back and watched with great interest as Ava made strange hand motions, and a glow of green and blue tendrils began to grow between her fingers.

Finally Ava moved her hands to hover over Yr’s chest, and the glow seeped over her; it felt cool, like a breeze against her skin even though it was covered. Then she slept.

# ***

Voices faded into Yrasah’s consciousness.

“…did not know what affect it might have, not only on a human but on the Arisen! It is my duty to protect her and I have failed because you did not—”

“You have not failed, Lothar. I apologize again for not notifying you first, but she will be fine, I am sure of it.” Ava’s voice was soothing, but Yr could tell Lothar was not placated.

Yr struggled to gather her thoughts and test her physical state before she spoke – if she acted groggy Lothar would only be more concerned.

She was a bit disappointed to find that her shoulder still pained her – although it was dulled, the ache was still present. But Ava had said her spell was more for energy and vitality, not for healing wounds and injuries, so that made sense. She took a deep breath and stretched out her fingers…

There it was – a feeling that she weighed less, or that she was supported with an invisible but…fizzy cloud. Very odd, but not uncomfortable.

She sat up. Immediately the other two fell silent, their argument stilled. She smiled and hopped out of the bed, doing a little twirl to show them she was in perfect health. Well, nearly – a missing heart and aching shoulder notwithstanding.

Lothar crossed the room in one stride and took her by one shoulder. “Arisen,” he breathed anxiously. “You are well?”

“I am fine, Lothar. Ava, could you give us a moment? And—thank you!”

Ava nodded and left the room.

“Lothar, you must—oh!” She broke off when, as soon as the door shut behind Ava, Lothar pulled her hand to rest against his cheek. He held it there, eyes closed for a moment, and she stared at him in shock. But then she smiled, and took his other hand with her left. “I’m sorry I worried you.”

His forest green eyes opened and searched hers for confirmation she was truly well. “I have been very…anxious,” he admitted. “I am your sworn protector, how can I protect you when—”

“I know that you mean only to do right by me, but perhaps you have grown a bit… _over_ protective?”

“There is no such thing.”

She chuckled. “Very well, but I think you should apologize to Ava. She worked very hard on that spell, and meant only to help me, which she did.”

He was silent for a moment, and then nodded and looked away. “Perhaps I should not have scolded her quite so harshly.”

Yr’s smile widened, and on a whim stood on her toes to kiss his cheek; he immediately blushed and looked confused.

“Why…does my stomach feel strange…”

She stood back with a laugh, try to quell her own flushed cheeks. “It’s called butterflies.”

“Who would swallow butterflies in order to make this assessment?”

She snorted. “I don’t think…well, never mind. In any case, you’ll be fine. However…can I ask you something?”

“Anything, Arisen.”

“I’m…concerned about you.”

He tilted his head. “I do not understand.”

“Have you healed completely from where Grimm got you earlier?”

Lothar was silent for a moment. “Of course.”

“Show me.”

“That is unnecessary, Arisen, I assure you—”

“Are you…prevaricating?”

He cleared his throat, and then sighed. He pulled up his shirt, and just as she suspected, a scar marred the…completely irrelevant beauty of his midriff…she shook her head to clear it, shoving aside inappropriate thoughts that threatened to choke her.

“You are not healing as quickly. It’s because of me.”

“That does not matter, Arisen,” he insisted, dropping his shirt. “I still heal much faster than you do.”

“I feel like this…change that Barnaby spoke of is occurring faster than it should. Perhaps we should speak to him about it before we set out tomorrow.”

“Are you sure you are ready to take up your weapon again so soon—”

“We are speaking of _your_ health for once, remember?”

“Very well.”

“And I have one more question.”

He merely waited.

“Does it…does it hurt worse, now? I know you said once when we first met that Pawns feel some pain but that you didn’t think it was as severe as humans’? What about now?”

Again he paused before answering. “It…is worse, yes.”

Emotions overwhelmed her – guilt, concern, fear. Before she thought about it she threw her arms around his waist. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I’m sorry I’ve done this to you—”

He was stiff, awkward, and with a jolt she realized that she’d just embraced him, very inappropriately. She stepped back swiftly. “I apologize, I didn’t mean to—”

“Wait—I’ve…seen other humans do this. Let me try again.”

She blinked, and suddenly found herself pulled against him, his arms encircling her loosely.

He patted her on the back, and then stepped away.

She stood in shock for all of five seconds, and then burst out laughing.

“Did I do aught amiss?”

“No! No—” she broke off, gasping for breath. “No, that was a…a very passable approximation of a hug, thank you!”

He squinted. “If I am doing it wrong, you should show me how to do it properly.”

Before she could think better of it, she stepped forward again.

She slowly pulled his arms around her, placing one of his hands around her lower back, the other higher, and then slid her own around his neck. “This is how you do it properly,” she whispered, knowing she was behaving in a manner grossly unbecoming to an Arisen, but not quite able to stop herself.

“This—” he broke off and cleared his throat, regarding her – their faces only inches apart – with mixed anticipation and trepidation, if she read him correctly. “This is not what I have seen others do.”

“That’s because…this is the kind of hug humans give each other in private, when they’re alone together.” Her own words fanned the flame of her doubt; she sounded almost…lascivious. It was indecent.

“I…I see.”

“I’m sorry,” she mumbled, and made to step away.

But he didn’t release her.

“Why are you sorry?” His voice was quiet; she felt his breath on the crown of her head, and looked back up at him in confusion. “Arisen, you are always asking me about the changes you have wrought in me…”

“Yes?” She knew she should tell him to let her go, they should part, and she should behave better with him in the future, but…she could at least listen to what he wanted to tell her…

“Right now…I am prey to several emotions, some familiar, some less so. I am not sure…how to describe them all, though I have read about them in books…”

She was not entirely sure she could describe her own emotions…

“I remember fear,” he murmured, and her eyes widened – she certainly didn’t want to make him afraid, and if she’d done so they’d best end this now. “But it is not the same – this doesn’t feel…bad. And my heart races as if I’d just sprinted to Cassardis and back…”

Yr sighed with relief. She linked her arms around his neck briefly once more, and held him close. “I think…both of us are figuring things out, Lothar. But as much as I am enjoying this, I think we should…proceed with caution. I don’t want you to be overwhelmed.”

This time she did step back, and gently pulled his hands from around her waist.

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. “Yes, I think that would be wise. But…”

“Yes?”

“Could we…hug…again soon?”

She smiled broadly. “Absolutely. But don’t let Grimm know, he’ll be… _concerned_.”

“Of course, I would not wish to worry him unduly.”

A couple moons ago he would have said this completely seriously, but now she saw that corner of his mouth turn up slightly, and she giggled, and shooed him out.

When he was gone she leaned against the door, her hands over her face.

What in the Maker’s name was she doing? She couldn’t even _consider_ a romantic relationship with her Pawn, it wasn’t right! He didn’t have free will; if she told him to…to sleep with her, he would have to do it!

But that wasn’t true anymore, was it? Just as many other things had changed about him, she knew his free will was asserting itself more and more.

Was it really wrong, then, if he _chose_ her? If he chose to love her, as well as protect and revere her as the Arisen? If he could feel all the things that she felt, at least to some degree?

But then something even worse occurred to her.

What if…what if the feelings he had were _because_ of her, but not truly _for_ her? What if he was mistaking the rush he felt at the new emotions – sensations that were unfamiliar for him – for something it wasn’t? He wouldn’t know the difference – he would rely on her to explain to him, guide him.

And she would be taking advantage if she tried push him in the direction she wanted.

Hot tears pricked her eyes, and she went back to the bed and flopped down on it face first.

She couldn’t do anything with him. Couldn’t even kiss him, as she’d desperately wanted to on more than one occasion, and especially just a few minutes ago. She couldn’t, because it was wrong, and even if he had free will, he didn’t have enough experience to know what to do with it.


	4. Chapter 4

“Master, I worry that my spell has had some unforeseen affect on you. You seem…listless. I apologize if—”

“It’s not that, Ava, but thank you. Your spell was perfectly effective; I have more than enough energy to continue on our journey.”

But Yr’s voice was flat – she couldn’t make it less so.

They walked up a narrow defile, weapons at the ready, headed for a bandit camp to retrieve an important tome on Ser Maximilian’s request.

She whistled, and her three companions stopped – Lothar was in front, as usual, and held an arm out to keep Grimm from going further.  

She squinted, and was glad they’d not gotten this far in the morning – the sun would have been in their faces, but it was now in their opponents’. She caught sight of one of the bandits, bow drawn, peeking out from behind a huge boulder at the top of the rise. She took aim – willfully ignoring the pain in her arm – and let fly.

She heard a cry, but her aim was not _quite_ restored; she’d only winged him, and he tumbled behind the boulder with still enough strength left to dislodge it, and sending hurtling down the hill straight for them.

“To the left!” Lothar yelled, and as the others dove for a depression in the side of the canyon, he grabbed Yrasah and shoved her in ahead of him. The boulder rolled harmlessly by. Yrasah immediately wriggled out from between the two solid masses of the mountainside and her protector.

She couldn’t handle his proximity right now; every time he was close, her insides were in tumult, and she hated herself for it. She was terrible for even thinking those things, and for seeming to lead him on, although he wouldn’t truly understand what that meant. She would have to talk to him about it, but she couldn’t do it right now.

They had work to do, anyway.

She hurried up the hill, an arrow nocked; Lothar rushed past to take up his position at the vanguard again, as he should, but she ignored his slightly reproachful glance, and kept her eyes on the top of the cliffs that they would soon clear.

The man who’d loosed the huge stone was trying to limp to cover behind some barrels in a little clearing off the road.

Yrasah felled him with barely a glance in his direction and had another arrow ready within two seconds; even Grimm blinked at her expressionless face.

“Four more ahead to the left, and two to the right,” she whispered, eyes darting about. Suddenly Grimm had disappeared; she thought she caught a glimpse of a shadow sliding between the trees to one side. Ava remained in the back, ready to support them with curative and defensive spells.

Lothar glanced at Yr and started to say something, but thought better of it, and rushed ahead with a yell.

Yr jumped atop a cart – a small feat but one she nonetheless owed to Ava. Before their foes even realized her position, she’d shot their two archers through the throat.

She’d seen a mage, but he was shifty, backing away, dodging around obstacles to avoid her arrows. Unfortunately for him, Grimm had snuck around behind the bunch, and as she watched he crept up behind and stuck his blade through him, dropping him mid-cast.

Now there were only three fighters left, and Lothar was beating off two of them on his own; the other Grimm engaged with. Yr didn’t like to try to intercede in melee unless the odds were bad, or her companions could get far enough away from their attackers. Otherwise a badly timed shove or stumble could cause one of her arrows to find friend instead of foe.

Ava didn’t even get to participate; Lothar and Grimm easily bested the final three bandits, and Ava and Yr moved up to join them.

As they approached the ruin that housed the main encampment, Yrasah expected defenses, guards posted outside, archers atop the wall.

There were none.

Only a couple of men lounging against the outer wall, weapons sheathed.

She wasn’t about to shoot them as they stood there unarmed. “Stay here, I’ll approach,” she said quietly to the Pawns.

“Arisen, no! If they have archers or mages in hiding you have nothing to protect you!”

Yr sighed. It was annoying, but he was right.

“Fine, but—Ava, could you give him a shield at least temporarily?”

She nodded, and produced a blue light, which she directed over him. It cast him in a cool glow. Yr met his eyes for a moment, then looked away.

“You need not tell them why we are here, just ask if we can speak to the leader.”

He nodded and strode up the hill toward the open gates of the fort, his hands carefully at his sides, but his shield on one arm nonetheless.

“Ay,” she heard one of the men call. “You lookin’ for Maul?”

Lothar said something to them with a nod, and the other man jerked his head over his shoulder towards the inside of the encampment.

Lothar turned and beckoned to them; they kept their weapons sheathed, and followed him through the gate.

They found “Maul” in the center of the ruin, sitting at a campfire that was nearly dead, drinking from a bottle of some spirit or other. Some of his…spoils were spread out around him, as if he’d been taking an inventory. Gold urns and pitchers, dishes of fine porcelain, jewels.

Yr’s eyes narrowed. He didn’t seem like the type of man to collect fripperies.

“Ah, didn’t catch your name, my friend,” he said as Lothar approached.

“My name is not important,” he replied, and merely crossed his arms and waited for Yr to approach.

“I am Yrasah,” she stated as she came to stand in front of her companions. “We are here about the Grimoire, which I know to be in your possession.”

Maul turned over a delicate bracelet in his hands, the fine chain in sharp contrast to his thick armor.

“This your woman?” he asked out of the blue, looking between Lothar and Yr.

“Hardly,” Lothar growled. Yr didn’t know whether to be offended or…something else, but then he continued. “She is the Arisen, and I am Lothar, her companion. If anything, I belong to _her_. She belongs to no one.”

Maul stared at him for a moment, and then burst out laughing, drawing the gaze of some of his cohorts.

“Ahhh, that’s rich,” he gasped, nearly breaking the chain in his hand when he slapped his leg. “I thought the Arisen always had a Pawn for their protector?”

“I _am_ a Pawn, sir.” Lothar seemed on the verge of losing his temper, and Yrasah was hard put to understand either why, or to what extent he could even _get_ angry—

“Bollocks,” Maul stated flatly. “You’re no more Arisen than my Aunt’s a goblin.”

Yrasah pulled at the neck of her shirt – she was wearing a light chain vest over her shirt today, one Lothar had commissioned for her while she was indisposed, and it fit much better than her old gear. But it was loose enough that she could lower the front to expose half of her scar.

“Damned if that ain’t a dragon scar alright,” Maul breathed, eyebrows raised. “Well, in any case - you might be here for the grimoire, but I like it. My boys read me bedtime stories from it at night,” he added, chuckling, and a few laughs echoed from around the courtyard.

Feeling that she was getting a bit of a read on this bandit leader, Yrasah stepped forward, and reached out to grab one of the vases at his feet. She could feel her companions’ tension – especially Lothar’s – but she didn’t think Maul would take issue.

He didn’t, and she sat on a log nearby and inspected the piece. “I take it you sell these? You don’t seem like a collector. And your boys aren’t living in riches. So what’s the money go to?”

Maul stared at her, then huffed a laugh. “Astute, ain’t you. None of your business, to be honest, but here’s the deal.” He leaned towards her. “You do a little something for me – something I don’t want to be caught doing – and I’ll give you free access to that book.”

She squinted at him. “Depends. I’m not killing any innocents.”

His brow lowered. “Hardly. There’s an orphanage, far north o’ Gran Soren, outside its protection. Small village, but they open their doors to all kinds of folk, if you catch my drift.”

She nodded.

“Plagued with goblins. Kill ‘em.”

“That’s it?”

He leaned back with a satisfied smirk. “That’s it.”

“Why can’t you do it yourself?”

“What reason would I give?”

“Ah.”

“Just so. Now, give me your map, I’ll show you the place, and once you bring me words it’s done, the book is yours for the taking.”

She squinted again, but finally stuck out her hand, which he shook firmly. Then she reached into her small hip pack for her map, and once he’d marked a location in the hills, they set out again.

# ***

They walked in silence for quite some time, a not entirely comfortable one at that. Finally Ava spoke up.

“I trust you are feeling well, still, Master?”

“Indeed, I feel quite fit.”

“Fit enough to expose yourself to danger,” Lothar muttered from in front of them.

“What is that supposed to mean!”

“You gave those bandits a perfect target back at the ruin – I did not have that chain shirt fashioned for you so you could pull it aside and give everyone within 50 meters a shot at you.”

“We were in no danger there, or I would not have done it!”

“You couldn’t know that!”

“Lothar,” Grimm interceded mildly, “you are speaking to the Arisen, please think what you are saying.”

Lothar’s nostrils flared, but he didn’t say anything else.

Why was he so grumpy? Wasn’t it she who was supposed to be in a bad mood? She was, but…she didn’t understand why he was taking such issue with her.

She jogged to catch up with him, just barely out of earshot of the other two, if that.

“Lothar, what is—”

“I do not wish to speak of it now. Perhaps later.”

She blinked. “I…alright. As you wish.”

Well, at least she could be sure his free will was definitely flourishing, along with all his other changes.

It was a matter of a few hours to clear the goblins out from their camp not far from the orphanage Maul had directed them to. There were quite a few of them, but they were easily routed; their only strength was in number, and Ava’s slight skill in illusions confused the creatures, and gave Yrasah and the others a chance to finish them off.

Once they were done, they went to check on the orphanage.

It was rather in a shambles. The children were in one house that seemed the only one easily defended – good locks on the doors, windows quite high up. But there were 14 children in the house together, along with their defenders – the women who ran the orphanage.

Three men and one woman had been killed the first time the goblins invaded.

“We will stay and help you put the place to rights,” Yr promised Mrs. Rennert.

“That was not part of your bargain, Arisen,” Grimm’s voice chimed in from behind her.

She turned to glare at him. “Hush.” Luckily their host didn’t question his comment, and Yr made arrangements for them to stay in one of the temporarily abandoned homes, and start work repairing them first thing in the morning.

“Bless you, Arisen, I never would have expected someone like you to show up and save us! At least let me feed the four of you, we’ve plenty to go around!”

“Only if it does not inconvenience you.”

“Not at all, dear, perhaps you can tell the children of some of your…less violent adventures, hmm?”

Yrasah blinked. She was…not overly fond of children, and no non-violent adventures immediately came to mind, but perhaps she could think of something.

The children were more fascinated by the Pawns than by Yrasah, much to her surprise and delight.

Grimm and Ava excused themselves soon after they’d eaten a small amount of the stew Mrs. Rennert had provided, with the promise that they would ready their ‘quarters’, but since Yr remained, naturally Lothar was not leaving. He ate about three times as much as Grimm and Ava, and for some reason Yr found this very endearing.

And she mainly stayed on because a child of about three crawled into his lap almost immediately when he was done with his food. She raised her eyebrow at him, while he returned her look with one of trepidation.

“Do not be afraid, mighty warrior,” she joked, “they are but small children, they will not harm you!”

“But what do I _do_ with them?” he replied in a stage whisper, and she dissolved into laughter at his plight. Until a little girl plopped down in her own lap, and asked to see where the dragon “poked” her.

Half an hour later, though, Mrs. Rennert shooed all the children off to their beds; the other two ladies who worked with her herded them into various bedrooms while Mrs. Rennert picked up all their bowls from around the room.

“I do feel so much safer now that you’ve come, Arisen,” she said as they readied to leave. “I don’t know what brought you here, but either way it’s a godsend.”

Yrasah smiled warmly at her. “Someone who cares very much for the wellbeing of you and the children, ma’am.”

The woman teared up for a moment, but gave a short nod, and then let them out, barring the door behind them – just in case.

Lothar began walking to the other house that they were to sleep in, but Yr grabbed his arm before he could get down the stairs.

She sat on the steps, pulling him down with her. The night was dark and thick around them, clouds obscuring the stars, one torch to light their way to their beds. Crickets chirped outside the circle of buildings.

“You wish to scold me for my behavior today.” He made it a statement, not a question.

“Scold you? Of course not.”

“I have…treated you in a manner unbefitting the Pawn of the Arisen, and I apologize.”

“Lothar, I—”

She turned and leaned back against the railing, looking at him in the dim flickering light. “I could care less about that! I don’t mind if you…question every decision I make! I’m not perfect, I could use that now and then.”

He stared ahead, clearly confused.

“I want to know _why_ ,” she explained. “I have been…less than pleasant today, but I have my own reasons. Why are you angry with me?”

“I do not think I could be…angry, with you, Arisen. Not exactly.”

“Very well, but why are you put out?”

He reached over and pulled a long stem of grass from the edge of the steps, and turned it in his fingers.

“I do not know.”

She waited, sensing that he had more to say.

“I was…dissatisfied with your behavior toward me this morning, after…after last night.”

Yrasah seemed to deflate as she sighed heavily, guilt washing over her in a dense wave. She shifted to kneel beside him, and laid a hand on his arm. “I’m sorry, Lothar. That is my fault, I didn’t—”

“It is not your fault. If I had not…over shared with you yesterday, perhaps you would not have felt obligated to—"

“Obligated! I didn’t feel _obligated_ , I…” She took a breath and tried again. She just had to lay it out for him, it wasn’t fair for him to have to guess. He didn’t know enough about human behavior to do so.

“It isn’t fair. For me to…try to…to make advances towards you,” she finally spit it out, glad the darkness masked her crimson cheeks. “It’s manipulative, taking advantage of your inexperience. I’m afraid you…” her voice suddenly shrank, but she made herself say it. “I’m afraid you don’t really…care for me, it’s just the unfamiliar emotions that are overwhelming you, and you’re attributing it to me because I’m the Arisen, but—”

She suddenly found the breath nearly squeezed out of her – Lothar had captured her in a fierce hug, and what could she do but embrace him in return? But their positions were awkward; she shifted a little, and just like that ended up in his lap, her face in his shoulder, arms around his neck.

“You are afraid I do not really care for you, Arisen? Perhaps now is a good time to question you, hmm?”

“Where did you learn about cheek,” she queried, her voice muffled.

“I do not know what this means. But I can tell you, I care absolutely nothing about anyone besides you.”

Her stomach tied itself in a thousand knots. “B-but…how do you know it’s not the—”

“I just do.”

“Oh.”

She clung to him a little tighter, trying to breathe properly, regain control of herself. It felt so strange, in a situation when her heart should be pounding…everything else was aflame, but that part of her was empty, silent.

But she refused to dwell on it now. It was a fact of her life, at the moment, and couldn’t be changed. And it didn’t alter her feelings.

“Can I take this as a promise you will not shun me again?”

She nodded into his neck.

“I am pleased to hear it.” He stood, ignoring her little gasp of surprise as he lifted her. “You should sleep – despite your protestations, you still need extra rest. And I find myself growing weary as well.”

She yawned, and then chuckled, content for once to let him do as he pleased. “One of the perks of humanity. Having to sleep more.”

“I do not consider this a perk, but I suppose you are being…is it sarcastic?”

“Indeed, well done.”

“Books can be informative, but the innkeeper in Gran Soren is even more so.”

“There is _one_ perk to sleeping …” she murmured as they entered the little house they would bunk in. Ava was practicing spells in the rear of the main room, soft blue and green lights dancing around the building. Grimm was doing push-ups in another room to the side. Lothar ducked under the low lintel of the room on the right, where Ava had spread one of the blankets that Mrs. Rennert had given them on the little bed.

“What’s that, Arisen?”

“Can’t tell you yet,” she whispered, barely regaining her senses before mentioning that perhaps she could sleep next to him one day. “But where will you sleep?” she asked as he settled her on the straw bed.

“Ava has very politely put blankets here on the floor for me.”

“Are you sure you don’t mind sleeping on the floor?”

He made a noise that might have been a brief chuckle, and she smiled in the darkness.

When he laid down, she rolled to the edge of the bed, using the very faint light from Ava’s spells in the other room to guide her hand.

She linked her fingers with his where they rested on his chest, and promptly fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you've actually played the game, you will note that this 'quest' is rather a amalgamation of several in the game...definitely not following canon, lol. And if you haven't played it then...no harm no foul :D


	5. Chapter 5

They left before noon the next day, every barricade replaced, every door repaired, and with alarm bells set round the property and a plan for them all to quickly get to the main house if any of them were triggered. Yrasah assured Mrs. Rennert that the goblins were all killed or dispersed, but it didn’t hurt to be extra safe, especially where the children were concerned.

But as she was leaving, she had an idea.

“Mrs. Rennert, if you would not object, I have some…acquaintances who might come check in on you occasionally. They might seem a bit unsavory, but I assure you they’re trustworthy. I’ll send them by to make sure everything is going well, in a few days, alright?”

“Oh my, well if you don’t mind, Arisen, that would be very thoughtful of you!”

“It’s no problem at all! Blessings, Mrs. Rennert!”

“And to you as well, child! I hope you get your heart back soon, and I have a feeling you’ll have help,” she added, throwing a glance at Lothar where he was waiting patiently for her to join them.

Yrasah blushed and looked at the ground. “Perhaps,” she mumbled, and took her leave, Mrs. Rennert beaming after them.

They arrived back at the bandit camp in the late evening.

“The…establishment has been taken care of,” she announced, coming to stand before maul with her arms crossed.

“Has it, now?”

“The goblins are dead, and their defenses reinforced against any future incursion. However…”

He narrowed his eyes at her.

“I may have promised the…proprietor that someone would be by to check on them, at my behest, in the next few days.”

Maul stared at her for a moment, then issued a bark of laughter. “Did you! Well, of all the cheek – yes, I’ll send someone, clever girl.”

“Now, on to other matters – the book.”

“Indeed – as promised, it is yours for the taking.”

She glared at him suspiciously. “Where is it?”

He hooked a thumb over his shoulder. “That tower, just yon. I keep it in a chest, at the top, safer that way.”

Her suspicion waned not a jot as she strode past him to the tower.

Up several steps…until the steps simply…ended.

“That does not look…easily accessible, Arisen,” Lothar noted unnecessarily.

“And nevertheless, I shall access it,” she replied with grim determination.

He touched her arm. “Remember that you are still recovering, Master,” he murmured. Not scolding or admonishing, just a reminder. She smiled.

“I know, and were it any other situation I would perhaps let Grimm get it for me,” she admitted, keeping her voice low. “He is quite nimble, after all. But I feel this is a bit of a test, one that I must pass in order to keep their respect.”

Lothar sighed, but did not try to stop her.

She stepped to the edge of the broken stair, peered up to see where best to go next. Someone – either he or his men – had gotten up here to place the book, so it must be doable. She spotted a likely handhold along the broken masonry to the right.

Before she began climbing, she took off bow, quiver, pack, and handed them to her companions. She didn’t want anything throwing her off balance. At the last moment she doffed her chain shirt as well – it might keep her from stretching or bending when she most needed to. Then she began scrambling up the side of the tower, her Pawns’ worried gazes fixed on her until they could see her no longer.

She made it to the next level fairly easily, but saw that she’d have to make a couple of jumps to get to the top. Well, and so she would.

She only had a few inches of foothold to make the first leap; she’d have to grab onto the upper ledge the moment she made landfall to avoid slipping. She gathered her courage – and her agility – and launched herself across, feet making solid contact with the small outcropping of stone, hands gripping the side of the building. 

She took a moment to catch her breath, then scrambled up a few easy footholds to the top of the tower.

Now there was a wide gap across the center platform that she’d have to jump to reach the chest, sitting innocently across the gaping hole in the floor. Beckoning to her.

What kind of boss forced his employees to navigate this? She shook her head. Then again – a bandit boss, that’s what kind.

She looked around, assessed the best place to jump across. From here, her Pawns would be able to see her from their vantage point below. If Lothar were only a trifle more human he might have a panic attack.

She smiled and shook her head. She had to concentrate – stop thinking about him.

But thoughts of him crowded her mind. His rumbling, aggressive voice when he taunted their foes; the soft voice he used when he spoke for her ears alone. The warmth of his arms around her last night; the sincerity with which he’d helped her overcome her anxiety the day before that.

The absolute magic of his deep green eyes; the unbearable delight of that _fraction_ of a smile—

_Stop it! Concentrate…_

She willed herself to focus. If she made the jump from just here…in this direction, that would be the shortest distance, with the greatest launch area…

She pulled herself together, and made the two-step run to the edge—jumped—sailed through the air—

And didn’t quite make it to the other side, her foot slipping to gain purchase on the loose stones at the edge of the floor.

She fell, and at the last minute reached out her hands to scrabble for a handhold, finding one in an indentation in the floor.

With her left hand.

Her right slipped away, leaving her hanging, a jolt of excruciating pain traveling from her fingers to her hip, so intense she almost let go her handhold. She couldn’t stop herself from crying out, but quickly and determinedly brought her right hand up to replace her left.

She’d heard Lothar’s pained exclamation when she nearly dropped, and took a moment to give him a wave with the hand that now hung at her side. She took a deep breath; she’d have to get herself up top, and there was no way to do it except to heave herself up with both hands.

She raised her left arm again, biting her lip through the throb that echoed in her left side. With grim determination, she pulled herself up.

Finally, she was sitting against the chest, legs dangling over the side.

“Tell that bastard Maul he’s back to owing me one,” she called out breathlessly to her companions below.

But she heard an unexpected reply.

“If I’d known you were nursing an injury, Arisen, I might not have set you so great a task.” Apparently Maul had joined her Pawns at the head of the stairs.

“Well, as you can see, I’ve accomplished it anyway, you tyrant,” she said ungraciously, her breath still short.

His bark of laughter annoyed her and made her smile all at once. “So I do see, and the sun sets, Arisen, so come down and drink with us tonight, I’m sure we can put your wound out of your head for a few hours at least!”

She shook her head. It would take more than drink to cure this – and she still had to make it back down.

Hearing Maul descend again, she finally turned and opened the chest – not even locked, but why need it be at this ridiculous location? Pushing the lid back, she found a smaller chest inside, and inside that was the book Ser Maximilian had been looking for. She hoped it was worth all this trouble; although she couldn’t say she regretted helping the orphanage, so it wasn’t all bad.

She chewed on her lip as she pondered how best to get the book back down…as well as herself.

There was no way she could climb it again; her arm was useless for the moment. She was shocked she’d been able to make that final heave to get up here at all.

“Are you alright, Arisen?” Ava called out from below.

“Yes, but…I find I’m rather…stuck.”

Silence, and she shook her head at her own predicament; 3 pawns dedicated to serving her and they were all two levels below, unable to assist.

Then she heard a strange scuffling sound across the gap. Grimm appeared, and raised his hand.

He wasn’t even out of breath, blast him. But he was smaller and more wiry than she, not to mention uninjured. Perhaps she should have let him come up in the first place. Then again, she felt she’d won a point with Maul just for sheer brass.

Grimm tilted his head, looking as if he was doing complicated but silent weight and distance calculations. Then he moved to the same spot she’d jumped from, and leapt across, not even trying to actually land on the platform next to her, but grabbing for the edge of the floor and the handhold she’d used. Then he swung about, and flipped neatly up onto the stone next to her.

“Impressive,” she allowed.

“Thank you, Arisen. Shall I?” He held his hand out for the book, and she gave it to him; he secured it underneath the scabbard straps that crossed his chest. “But I am afraid I cannot get you down as well.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll think of something.” She watched as he swung from ledge to ledge, landing easily next to the others below, his descent far easier than hers could be.

“Perhaps she could jump, and Lothar could catch her?” Ava suggested.

Yr shuddered. “Thank you, Ava, but I have to say I am not overly fond of that suggestion—”

“I see no issue with it,” Lothar chimed in, and Yr rolled her eyes. Of course he didn’t.

“I can’t jump two floors and expect someone to catch me, it’s too—”

“You are not even wearing any armor, Arisen, you weigh very little.”

Honestly, to him she probably did, but that wasn’t the point. “It’s…it’s undignified!”

Silence. She peered over the edge to find the other two headed for the stairs, which she couldn’t quite see from her vantage point. Lothar glanced up at her.

“I have sent them away so no one need witness your disgrace,” he said quietly, but with an absolutely indecent amount of sass. Yrasah tried to purse her lips together and maintain a properly stern façade, but failed miserably.

“Fine,” she huffed in mock outrage, scooting closer to the edge. “But it will make it easier if I just hang down like I was earlier—”

“Arisen, you cannot do so again, your arm is compromised.” Lothar stood just below and a little in front of her, and if either of them looked stern it was definitely him.

“Yes but it would shorten the drop, and just for a moment—”

“Yrasah! Will you just jump!”

He…

He used her name.

She was so shocked she nearly fell off the ledge, but swallowed and answered him meekly enough. “A-alright…”

She took a deep breath, and pushed off of the last couple of inches of stone that held her aloft. She thought the fall would seem endless, but in fact she almost immediately found herself in Lothar’s arms; he didn’t even grunt when she landed. She put a hand on his chest to keep her balance, but…

Well, he’d caught her so gracefully she needn’t have worried about embarrassment…but that was currently the last thing on her mind.

It was strange – a few moons ago it never would have occurred to her to wonder what it was like for one’s heart to race…without having a heart. But now she knew.

Her whole body hummed, her nerves seeming to sizzle so loudly she thought he might hear them.

Her shortness of breath had nothing to do with her jump.

He slowly let her down, but held on to her even when her feet were on the floor. She settled her hand more firmly against him, the strong, quick beat of his heart beneath her palm indescribably precious.

“Why did you do that?” she whispered, her green-grey eyes locked on his.

He didn’t pretend to misunderstand her. “I…I do not know. Does it displease you, Aris—”

She cut him off, her lips covering his, for just two breaths, no more. But the noise he made cut through her almost as profoundly as the spell that had injured her days ago. A sound that contained all the yearning she’d only attributed to herself.

She made herself pull away – she hadn’t intended to kiss him, hadn’t imagined their first kiss would be in a bandit’s crumbling tower. But it didn’t matter; it was still beautiful.

She stepped carefully back, but couldn’t drop her hand, not just yet. “It…pleases me very much,” she breathed.

He seemed dazed, but a slight, bemused smile touched the corners of his mouth. Finally he exhaled loudly. “And I thought I enjoyed hugging…”

# ***

Three hours later, Yrasah was thinking little of her injured arm.

“It’s fine! I’m totally fine,” she insisted to Lothar, who had asked if she was still in pain.

“That is good,” he replied confidently, sporting a slight slur to his words as well.

Ava and Grimm looked on dispassionately. Yr glanced at them across the campfire. “You two could just...go to bed, you know.”

“Is that your wish, Arisen?”

For once, Yr couldn’t be bothered with being polite. “It is, actually.”

“As you say.” Both of them got up and disappeared outside the circle of the firelight.

“Wet blankets,” Yr muttered.

“I agree,” Lothar said vehemently. “…what is a ‘wet blanket’?”

“It means they’re…they’re boring,” she explained, breathless with holding back the amusement that threatened to overtake her. His inexperience with euphemisms was an unending source of delight.

“Ah! In that case, yes, I definitely concur.”

Lothar was taking another drink of whatever strong yet surprisingly smooth brew Maul was supplying them with when the bandit leader himself clapped him on the back, nearly knocking the drink out of his hand.

“I’ve worked with Pawns before, you know – hired a few in my day,” he said, coming around to sit next to Lothar. “Not a one of them was anything like you. Those other two, sure. _You_ …you eat like a horse.”

“It is because of my connection to the Arisen,” he explained proudly, and somehow the space in Yr’s chest seemed to expand.

“Ah. _Connection_ , is it?” he retorted with heavy irony.

“I do not understand your meaning.”

“You know what – I believe you. Half the time you seem like a person, but the other half you don’t.”

“Do not insult him, Maul, he _is_ a person!” Yrasah couldn’t help but defend Lothar; she knew he probably wouldn’t take exception to Maul’s words, but _she_ did.

Maul held his hands up. “Alright, Arisen, I meant no offense. I just meant he seems to be shaking off that cold fish attitude most Pawns have.”

Yr sat back, satisfied. “Well, that is true enough.”

“I would rather be a cold fish than a hot fish,” Lothar stated confidently.

Yr and Maul stared at him, dumbfounded.

“W-was…was that a joke?” Yr asked, voice weak.

“I believe so – because a hot fish would be cooked, so it is preferable to—”

“Please, friend, we get it,” Maul interrupted quickly. “A fine jest indeed…” he met Yr’s eyes skeptically, but she was finally getting over her shock, and began cackling, dropping her drink in the process.

“Because—because a---oh Maker!” She could barely breathe.

“Is she alright?” she heard Lothar ask their host under his breath.

“No, there’s _definitely_ something wrong with her,” Maul said with a chuckle. “And I’m pretty sure you’re about to find out what it is.”

“Perhaps she needs sleep. She probably reinjured herself, and it is quite late—”

“Yes, my friend, I think it’s high time you took her to bed.”

Yrasah was sober enough still to blush hotly at Maul’s obvious insinuation, but drunk enough that it merely set her off again, especially since Lothar completely missed the other man’s innuendo.

“Of course. Arisen, come, you should rest.”

He made to pick her up, but she protested. “I’m not _that_ drunk, Lothar, you needn’t carry me!” She rose only a bit unsteadily from her seat by the fire, and the two of them headed into the ruins where everyone slept, and where their gear was already stowed.

“I apologize, I am not familiar with the levels of inebriation that humans suffer.”

“I’m not suffering—Lothar, you’re also a little drunk, in case you didn’t know.”

“That is unlikely, Pawns do not get drunk.”

“They also don’t make jokes.”

“A good point.”

Again Ava had been kind enough to make pallets for them to sleep on. A few feet from one another, on opposite sides of the little niche in the ruin.

Yrasah yawned, and began to stretch her arms over her head.

A stupid mistake – her left shoulder reminded her forcefully of what she’d done just a few hours ago, and she gasped and clutched it for a moment. She hadn’t brought any of Padrus’ salve with her, either…foolish.

“Arisen, if you will allow it, I could apply some of the Healer’s salve to your arm. I should have done so immediately after you—”

“I don’t have any,” she admitted. “I failed to bring it; Ava might be able to help, but I don’t wish to wake her.”

“I have it.”

She stared at him – for the second night in a row, his face illuminated warmly by the faint light of a torch outside the room. “You do?”

“I was afraid you might need it during our travels, I only brought a small amount, but—”

“That’s…very thoughtful of you,” she murmured, not trusting herself to speak any louder, lest he hear the tremulous quality of her voice. It was stupid to be so affected by such a little thing, but…he was always thinking of her. And now, the more human he grew, the more of his own personality broke through, the less he _had_ to ‘cater’ to her. But he did anyway.

She got out of her boots, and knelt on her pallet as he retrieved the little jar from his pack.

He sat in front of her, then paused. “I do not wish to make you uncomfortable, Arisen, but it would be better if you removed your shirt.”

“Oh, of course.” And once again, she was thankful for the darkness that hid her blush. As if she could be uncomfortable around him – well, that was a lie. She was grossly uncomfortable, but not in a bad way. Her chest densely crowded with feelings she couldn’t fully describe, her mind swirling with thoughts of him that she could never quite dispel. More than _uncomfortable_ , she felt complicated.

She pulled her shirt over her head with her right arm, and then pulled it down her left, glancing down – as she did every single time, without fail, despite her best efforts – at the scar on her chest, fully visible above her underclothes.

She choked back a gasp when Lothar’s large hand rested on her collarbone, his thumb gently passing over the scar.

“Does it…hurt, Arisen?”

She squeezed her eyes shut, but shook her head. “Not really. I’ve gotten used to it. But sometimes, as you saw, it…troubles me.”

“I hope you remember what I told you then.”

She smiled slightly and opened her eyes. “I do. I will not forget. Thank you.”

He nodded, and removed his hand; without its warmth she felt cold.

When he applied the balm to her arm, the contradiction of sensations she felt was almost overwhelming. The salve helped the pain, but was like an icy glaze in the chill night air; and yet, the warm hands that smoothed it over her skin brought forth an intense heat in her.

His hand moved up and down her arm, over her shoulder, her back, gingerly skimming her ribs, sliding beneath her underclothes to get the curative over her whole side. She bit her lip, struggling to control her breathlessness.

She managed to contain her shiver until he was done, and was putting the jar away. He wiped his hands and turned back to her, preparing to rise.

“You should sleep now, Arisen.”

She went to her knees. “Lothar, you…you called me something else, earlier today.”

He went very still. “I…recall that you…had a favorable reaction…”

She moved a little closer, ignoring any voices in her head telling her to behave herself. She was just inebriated enough still that it was easy to do so.

“You could…try it again. See what happens?”

He didn’t move away; if anything, leaned toward her ever so slightly.

“Could I…Yrasah…”

This time he tasted of the spirit they’d been drinking. Warm, smoky, spice. He made that noise again, and all the heat inside her coalesced into an intense weight low in her belly. When he wrapped his arms around her – no instruction required – she thought she might break.

And when he kissed her back…

The pressure of his lips was clumsy at first, but he learned quickly, and soon it was less one-sided, both tasting each other. A soft whimper escaped her, and his hands on her back tightened.

Then he moved one hand to touch her hair. She was glad her eyes were closed; it was easier to keep her tears at bay. She didn’t know why it made her want to cry, but his sweetness, his eagerness was so precious to her, she had never wanted to nurture and protect anything so much in her life.

Gently, she pulled his lower lip between her teeth. Then slipped her tongue inside his mouth, barely, briefly, but enough to show him.

He gasped, and to her shock the hand on her back moved lower, gripped her rear, and brought her flush against him.

More than close enough to feel how much he wanted her.

She sucked in a breath, completely unprepared for this – of course, this was what happened, she knew that, but for some reason she’d thought she’d have to try much harder for him to become aroused.

She couldn’t believe how wrong she was.

But he was leaning back, loosening his hold on her. “Yr,” he whispered, and if she’d thought him using her full name made her swoon, the familiar sound of her nickname on his lips was almost more than she could bear. “I want…I…”

“I know,” she murmured, her voice tortured. “ _Maker_ , I know, but it’s…not the right place—”

“I know that you are right, but it is…difficult to stop,” he breathed, and leaned in again.

She was weak. She should pull away, put a stop to this, but she just couldn’t bring herself to do it. Another few minutes went by, punctuated by desire-laden sighs and whimpers, and finally she knew she had to stop, or they would go farther, and she would never forgive herself for bedding him for the first time in a bandit ruin. This thought successfully brought her a very small measure of sense, and she put a hand on his chest, exerting the slightest pressure, and he immediately drew back.

“Have I done—”

“No, no I promise,” she panted. “But…we can’t, not now…”

He nodded, his own breathing unsteady. She put a hand to his face, ran her thumb over his lips. “Do you know…even when I did have a heart, I have never felt more alive than I do now, with you.”

His eyes, almost sad, searched hers. “Why does my own heart…hurt when you say such things?”

She smiled. “I think it’s just learning how to feel.”

He seemed to want to say something else, but he merely nodded, and leaned into her hand for a moment.

She might have been a little influenced by her attraction to him, all those weeks ago, when she chose him in the rift. But she never could have guessed he would become this important to her. Not just as her protector – although he was that a thousand times over – but as…something much more. Something precious, indescribable, and good. The more his own personality developed, the more she…

She might as well admit it. The idea was becoming less and less foolish every day.

She loved him.

Whether it was wise, it _was_. She wondered whether he would ever be able to feel the same way about her – it seemed possible, given how much he’d changed in just a few moons. But if he didn’t…if there was a limit to the level of human emotions he could feel…could she accept that?

As she knelt in the circle of his arms, her head on his shoulder…she thought she could.


	6. Chapter 6

They’d been back in Gran Soren for five days, and for five days Yr had been planning how to get Lothar away from everyone for, at the very least, an afternoon. But it was not to be; everyone needed something from her, and now there was word of a coming siege on a fort to the north. They would have to leave the next day – they waited only for confirmation from a scout who was set to return in the night.

A siege was a much bigger undertaking than getting a book from a bandit, and well Yr knew how these little adventures could stretch out into days or even weeks. She wanted to tell Lothar the truth, among other things, and if she didn’t do it now, they might not have a chance for another moon, Maker forbid.

Oddly enough, it was Ava who offered to assist her.

“Arisen, may I speak with you for a moment?”

“Of course,” Yr answered, sitting down with her outside the alehouse where she’d gone for a meal. Lothar was off getting some enchantment put on her chain shirt – the Arisen needed more than one layer of protection, he’d said, as if he didn’t offer about 16 layers just in himself – and Yr had sent Grimm back to the Pawn’s guild to train. Or more honestly, to get him out of her hair.

She’d been wondering how to send Ava on an errand as well, to give her time for what she needed to do, not that she’d really figured out how to do it yet.

“I wanted to thank you,” the Pawn explained unexpectedly.

Yr blinked. “For what?”

“Some days ago, you asked me if there would be any change, due to my contracting with you.” Yr nodded. “I do not think Grimm experienced any difference; or if anything, he perhaps grew more irritable with human ways,” she said, and Yrasah stared at her, sure she heard a note of sarcasm in the other’s voice.

“But I…have noticed a slight change. Here and there, only small things – nothing like what has happened with your—with Lothar.”

Yrasah dearly wanted to ask what she was about to call him, but she’d save that for later. “What have you noticed?”

“For one…I…enjoy mead,” she said almost bashfully, holding up her glass. “Food and drink were always mere necessities before, but now it has…a sweet flavor that makes me feel…pleasant.”

Yr smiled broadly. “That’s wonderful! So you can find pleasure in some human sensations! Anything else?”

“Well, yesterday I was purchasing a new underskirt for my robes – another necessity, nothing more. But in the shop, there were other items hanging – dresses, fancy shirts. And I…touched them. All of them, I ran my hands over the fabric…is that strange? The owner seemed very…perturbed, and asked me to leave.”

“Oh Ava, I’m sorry! That’s not strange at all – it is perfectly normal to enjoy the feel of textures, especially rich ones like expensive fabric. I will take you to another shop, and you can—”

“It is alright, Arisen, I was not offended, exactly. Just a bit confused. I think the proprietor was…unnerved by my actions, since I am a Pawn.”

“Ah. I suppose I can understand that, but they do not have to treat you rudely because of it.”

“I myself am not sure what to make of these new sensations. If I were Lothar, I would be overwhelmed, as much as he has changed, and so quickly. But I can see that he is not, he seems to handle it without a problem.”

Yr nodded eagerly. “He is truly amazing, he even—I mean he um…he’s very…” Finally she gave up and put a hand over her face, but dropped it when Ava’s hand covered her other one where it lay on the table.

“That is part of what I wished to speak to you about, Arisen. I…support you…finding happiness with your Chosen, and I wish to help.”

“You…you do? Wait, with my what?”

“Oh, I apologize – as a Pawn I tend to think of Lothar as your Chosen, since he is your bonded Pawn and not just a contract like we are.”

Something clenched in Yr’s stomach, her insides turning over. _Her_ _Chosen_. How sweet, and how appropriate. She _had_ chosen him, and it was the best choice of her life. Far better than some others she’d made. She smiled at Ava.

“I am very fond of that term, Ava, there is no need to apologize. But there is nothing you need do, although I appreciate the offer.”

“Well, I have noticed that you seem to be trying to get rid of us all, over the past couple of days, and the least I can do is leave you to yourself.”

Yr blinked. “I…was I that conspicuous?”

“I do not think so, but I have taken…special interest in the looks that you give your Chosen, and therefore have noticed more than perhaps another would.”

Yr chuckled ruefully. “I bet I’d be completely obvious to a human. The innkeeper probably has bets running.”

Ava tilted her head. “Bets? On what?”

“Never mind,” Yr went on hastily. “But…I actually could use your help with one thing…if you don’t mind?”

The next hour was full of preparations; with Ava’s help Yr was able to accomplish what she needed, all before Lothar got back from his errand. She even went to the bath house to bathe, instead of just doing it at the inn, knowing it would leave her smelling faintly of jasmine, not to mention extra clean.

“What shall I tell him if he returns while you are out, Arisen?”

Yr bit her lip. It might ruin the surprise if she—oh! “Tell him I’ve gone to the baths, because we have to visit a noble today and I want us to be presentable!”

“Of course. Shall I tell him to go to the baths as well?”

Yr’s eyes widened in direct proportion to the red that suffused her face. While it would be…advantageous…she couldn’t believe that Ava would suggest such a thing. “I…I…”

“It would only make sense for the both of you to take extra care with your appearance, given the story you are telling.”

Yr put her hands over her face for a moment. “Of course. Thank you,” she mumbled.

She hadn’t been to the baths in some time, and had her upcoming “visit” not been tying her stomach in knots with anticipation, she might have stayed for an hour or two. As it was she finished rather quickly, and let the ladies braid her hair in a more fancy style than normal, before she donned clean clothes and headed back to the inn.

She practically sprinted up the stairs – and ran headlong into Lothar, who was coming down them.

His hair was damp; he was in the process of pulling it back, but let go of it to steady her…

And it fell into his eyes, dark waves just past his shoulders…she’d never seen him with his hair down…and he wasn’t wearing any armor, just his pants and shirt, the soft fabric hiding little of the magnificent form beneath…

 _Just breathe, Yrasah_ , she told herself. “Oh! Here you are!” she said unnecessarily.

“Indeed. You…smell very nice.”

She swallowed. “Thank you.” Her voice was so blatantly breathy, it was embarrassing.

“Well, I’ll just…finish getting ready for our…our visit,” she hurried on.

“If you do not mind, I am going to the alehouse across the way, I did not eat at midday and—”

“Oh! I’m—I’m sure we’ll eat at the –er, that is, at Lord Wilhem’s house, so unless you’re just absolutely starving I wouldn’t umm…I wouldn’t worry about it.”

“As you wish, Arisen.”

She meant to go ahead to her room, but then he continued with his hair – pulling it all to the back, though a couple of tendrils fell loose immediately, holding the leather strip in his mouth that he used to tie it; she could see the muscles in his arms tighten under his shirt as he tied the—

_Get a hold of yourself!_

She tore her eyes away, cleared her throat. “I’ll just…I’ll be right down, then,” she managed, slipping past him, her entire being aflame with nervous anticipation, excitement, and twelve other indescribable emotions.

She grabbed the few things from her room that she meant to take; they would fit into her pockets.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NSFW - explicit  
> **Please see the next chapter for a much milder version!**

Soon enough they were on their way, and he followed obediently enough until they got to the outer wall.

“Where exactly are we meeting this…Lord Wilhem?” he asked curiously as she passed through it, down a flight of stairs, and then out another, larger door, one barred from the inside.

“It’s…complicated,” she said vaguely. Excitement had been warring with anxiety the entire way, ebbing and flowing, each vying for supremacy in her head – and her belly. Right now excitement was winning, and she was hard put to contain a broad smile that threatened to reveal itself as she took his hand, leading him toward a path along the hillside.

Soon Yr was practically scrambling down the path, waves crashing below.

“Please be careful, I cannot protect you from yourself,” he grumbled, and at this she stopped, and threw her arms around his neck.

He looked at her in surprise. “I did not think scolding you would earn your embraces.”

“You sass me more and more every day,” she murmured, planting a kiss on the corner of his mouth. “I greatly enjoy it.”

“I will have to remember that,” he replied, slightly breathless. She threw him a mischievous smile as she released him and hurried on to their destination.

She’d have to be careful not to rush things – she already wanted him badly, and the smell of his soap and freshly laundered shirt wasn’t helping.

“I am growing more and more certain that you have…told me an untruth,” he murmured behind her, but he didn’t sound angry.

“Yes, well…I…want to show you something very important.”

“You could have just told me that…”

“It’s more fun this way!” she insisted, trotting the last few yards to their destination.

She almost forgot to tell him to close his eyes before they rounded the corner.

“I fail to see the purpose of this exercise,” he mumbled in confusion as she led him by the hand. “I thought you wished to show me something, but now you tell me not to look—”

“It’s meant to be a surprise,” she explained, smiling at his bewilderment. “So you see it all at once, in a rush.”

“I suppose I will trust you to—”

“Alright, now you can look.”

His eyes flew open. In front of them was a cave – a wide opening onto the sea, and inside a larger cavern with a couple torches set in the walls. A little table sat to the side with a bottle of wine, a picnic basket next to it. A firepit was in the center, cold now but it would later be lit, and just next to it was a large pile of blankets and pillows.

Suddenly, as she looked around, Yr’s stomach tied in knots, and not the pleasant kind. Her anxiety crested again, and she felt embarrassed, almost ashamed. This was stupid – he would not wish for any of it, he wouldn’t understand and she would feel foolish, what was she thinking? And the blankets! It was so…obvious, so crude!

She bit her lip, stared at the ground to avoid looking at him. She didn’t want to see the confusion, the skepticism in his face.

He put a hand under her chin, turning her face to his. “You have done this…for us?”

Tears pricked her eyes; she nodded. “I’m sorry if it’s stupid, I just…I thought it would be nice if we could—”

For the first time, he kissed _her_ , and now the tears that wet her lashes were happy ones.

“It is very nice,” he whispered against her lips, then put his forehead against hers. “Thank you.”

How had he learned to be romantic so impossibly quickly? The rate at which his adoption of human customs progressed – even ones he had no experience with – never ceased to amaze her.

She was supposed to be the one with romantic knowledge. She had been married for a while, after all, little though she liked to remember that part of her life. But the fact remained, she knew more than he possibly could, and yet…and yet his sincerity was more beautiful to her than any practiced touches.

They could practice together, after all.

She remembered she promised him food, and took his hand to lead him to the little table.

“Did you do all this yourself?” he asked as she pulled bread, cheese, fruit, and a little slab of ham out of the basket.

“Ava helped me,” she admitted, glancing up to see how he would take this news.

His fraction of a smile appeared. “I thought something was strange about her when we spoke today.”

“I hope she’s not feeling…guilty about telling a lie for me,” Yr worried.

“Guilty is not a word I would choose to describe her.” He sat on one of the barrels that served as chairs, and began cutting the bread.

“Oh?”

“I am, of course, not the best judge of such things, but she seemed…I do not know how to describe it. Bouncy?”

Yr just stared at him.

“That is not the word, but she seemed to be bobbing up and down on her toes, and her eyes were…”

He tilted his head as if remembering the details. “Come to think of it…her eyes were almost human. They were quite…expressive. For her, anyway. Or any pawn, for that matter.”

Yr wondered if it was her place to let him know what she and Ava had discovered, but she supposed Ava knew quite a bit about Lothar’s situation, so it only seemed fair she could share this.

“Ava has been…affected. By her association with me.”

“Do you mean…as I have?”

“Not in nearly the same magnitude, but yes. Her sense of taste and touch are more pronounced, and she’s been feeling more…emotion.”

“Good.”

“…Good?”

“Of course it is good. The transformation I have undergone has allowed me to…” He broke off suddenly, glanced at her with a slight flush. “The more I can feel, the more I enjoy life,” he said finally, quietly, and Yr put her hand over his where it rested on the table. “If Ava can have a small measure of this…I am pleased for her.”

“That is very sweet of you.”

“What other attitude could I have? It would be…what is the word…hypocritical to consider it wrong for her to have a little of what I enjoy.”

“Yes, but all the same…I think it says a lot about you.”

“As you say, Arisen.”

“Lothar…would it be…too much to ask for you to use my name when we are alone?” She hoped she didn’t sound like she was nagging. “If you are not comfortable with it, it’s fine, I just—”

He stood, setting down his cup of wine as he finished it off, and she realized he’d eaten the entire hunk of ham and most of the bread and cheese. He really did eat quite a lot…

He reached his hand down to her, and she took it, looking at him curiously, trying to determine what strange mood he was suddenly in.

But he pulled her close to him, and she forgot to wonder about much of anything.

“As you command, _Yrasah_.”

His voice was suddenly low and warm, and heat washed over her as he drew her closer.

“You have to…show me what to do,” he murmured; looked down at her lips, then met her eyes again. Her insides turned to liquid…he had no idea how much the mere sound of his voice, in that tone, aroused her.

“My Chosen,” Yr whispered, touching his face. “That’s what Ava calls you, and what I shall call you, to anyone who asks.”

This time his smile, though faint, touched both sides of his mouth. “If there is a Maker, he has my eternal thanks for that choice.”

He kissed her again, and she could feel the anticipation building – and this time, she wouldn’t have to snuff it out with a cold bath in her room.

But before they went any further, she had to know some things. It was awkward, and she hoped it didn’t kill the mood, but…

“Can you tell me…I’m not sure how to ask this, but I don’t want to…over-explain—”

“You may ask me anything you wish,” he breathed, and she wondered if she would ever be less affected by the rumbling quality of his quiet voice. She hoped not.

“Have you…I mean I assume that you haven’t actually…been…” She cleared her throat, looked away, tried again. “I assume you haven’t been with anyone before?”

“I have not.”

“Have you…I mean to say, by yourself, have you…”

“Yes. Once or twice.”

“Oh! Oh, good then.”

His brow lowered very slightly. “Why is that good?”

She smiled with slight embarrassment. “It would be a bit difficult for me to…explain to you what happens when…well.”

“Ah, yes, I can see how that would be…uncomfortable. But I am well aware of the…mechanics. Of all of it. I have seen it.”

“WHAT?”

He nodded. “I had one Master who frequented brothels. Some of them hosted activities that were less than…private. I of course never participated, but I witnessed a few things that…”

Her gaze became concerned. Surely he didn’t…

“Lothar, you must know that…that what happens between us will be nothing like…I mean, I hope you don’t think—”

He sighed with a relief almost more profound than any emotion she’d seen him display.

“I am glad to hear you say so. I was…hoping it would be different, but I could not be sure.”

“Casual sex is not the same as…making love, between people who care about each other,” she explained, trying not to let her discomfort overwhelm her.

He nodded. “But…Yrasah…I must tell you something. And I hope…it does not cause you distress.”

She remained silent, waiting for him to continue.

“The…one or two times that I mentioned…that I…”

She nodded hastily.

“It was…after those visits. I did not understand my…urges, nor did I particularly find anything attractive about the persons involved, but it seemed almost impossible to ignore—”

“That is only natural,” she said, slightly hoarse. From the way he prefaced it she’d been worried he would say something off-putting, but abruptly the image flooded her mind of him…doing that to himself…

Heat throbbed between her legs, and she swallowed. “It is just a physical response,” she hurried on, trying to quell her reaction. “Completely understandable, even for a Pawn I should think.”

“Ah. Thank you for explaining. I have…I have felt the need several times over the past weeks, and I was afraid it was…wrong for me to…”

She couldn’t stand it any longer. She practically launched herself at him, threw her arms around his neck, pressed herself against him and her lips against his with near ferocity.

His response was all she could have wanted; he crushed her against him, and she could tell their conversation had done nothing to dull his need. It certainly hadn’t hers. She was burning with it, nearly consumed with it. But she had to be careful, hold back – she didn’t want to rush this, and she had to make sure he was comfortable with everything that happened.

Soon they were on the blankets, and Lothar’s hands were under her shirt as she straddled his lap.

She felt his reaction when his hand brushed the bottom of her breast and he realized she had on nothing underneath. She’d felt conflicted about removing her underthings before they left the inn, but his response showed her how right she’d been to do so.

He searched her eyes, his breathing strained. “M-may I?”

“You may do _anything_. I promise I will tell you if I want you to stop.” She felt him throb again, and he gave a little nod.

Slowly, his eyes never leaving hers, he continued, his big hand sliding further up, until he held her breast, weighing it. His eyes fell shut, and he bit his lip.

She’d been burning with need for him but everything he did seemed to increase her arousal until it was a wonder she didn’t explode.

Before she could overthink it, she swiftly pulled off her shirt. She kept her eyes on his; the only time since the dragon that she’d avoided glancing down at her scar as soon as it was visible.

He didn’t focus on it either; he’d seen that before, at least. He seemed fascinated with how big and dark his hands were against her chest, and she couldn’t say she minded.

She rose slightly, and put her hand behind his head. Gently, giving him every opportunity to pull back, she guided his head toward her.

Far from pulling back, as soon as he realized what she was doing, he groaned and took her breast in his mouth.

She gasped, and her head fell back; as with other things, his attentions weren’t practiced, or smooth, but instinctual, experimental. And transcendent.

But he only concentrated on that for a moment; soon he was pressing kisses all over her chest, her ribcage; he gently pushed her backwards, laying her down on the blankets.

Then he pulled at the laces of her pants.

She could barely breathe she wanted him so much. But she tugged at his shirt – she had to see him too, it was only fair—

When he removed it, she gasped. Reached up to trace his thick chest muscles, his abdomen. “So beautiful,” she murmured, laying her hand flat over his heart. “My—” She bit hard on her lip. Should she tell him, now? Or would it confuse him, upset him?

He stared at her for a moment, then quickly pulled her pants down, and off.

Tentatively, he pushed her legs apart; then moved his hands lower – those big hands that had protected her from so much, now so gentle, and tender…

“I…I do not know what is allowed—”

She reached out and grabbed his hand. “You can touch me anywhere, Lothar…kiss me anywhere, but if you like…I can show you?”

He nodded. Slowly, she pulled his hand between her legs, directed his fingers to tease her wetness, and finally to slip two of them inside.

He gasped as he pushed them deeper. “ _Maker_ , Yr, you’re…”

She arched her back, gave a little whimper in her throat. “…what, my—my Chosen?”

His eyes flew to her face, but her own were shut tight. “So warm…and…and tight—how can we—”

“It will be alright, I promise,” she breathed, barely able to speak as he pressed his fingers within her.

“Yr…” His voice was hoarse. “There is something I’ve heard spoken of…that I very much wish to do…you did say I could kiss you anywhere, yes?”

Her eyes flew open. “You mean—”

“I will not if you will dislike it—”

“No! I mean—yes! P-please do …whatever you wish,” she managed, and watched wide-eyed as he lowered his head. She had never in a million years imagined that he might wish to do something like this – before they’d even made love, it was—

“Ah!” She cried out, and all he’d done was put his lips against her – a kiss, indeed, and she almost cried with the sweet pleasure of it.

He looked up at her. “You make the most beautiful noises,” he whispered. “I wish I knew better how to please you…”

“Everything you do pleases me!” she insisted, panting.

“I promise I will learn, Yr.” His breath was warm against her. “But you must help me.”

With shaking hands, she smoothed back the tendrils of his hair that had escaped. “Alright…I will try…”

She touched his wrist, and immediately he pushed again with his fingers, which had been still. She hummed her approval, then put a hand to his face. “I’m…not sure how to explain, you just…explore with your tongue until you – ah! _Maker_ , yes that’s—”

She quickly lost all power of speech – how had he found it so fast—

It was a matter of a few breaths, his fingers pressing, his tongue swirling, clumsy but effective…

She shattered, her body trembling, muscles contracting around his fingers, a long cry escaping her. She heard his groan of pleasure through her own.

She gently laid a hand on his hair to stop him from continuing; once she came she was so sensitive it almost hurt. Obediently he withdrew, but sat for a moment without moving, breathing heavily.

Then he surged up, between her legs, yanking at the lacing on his pants.

She kept her eyes locked with his as she reached her hand down; he gave a brief, pained groan when she wrapped her fingers around him. She guided him to her, but he held back.

“Tell me what you were going to say, before” he whispered, pressing against her just a little. He bit his lip. “Tell me—”

“I…” She was so afraid to say it, now, though nothing had ever been more true in her life.

“Please, Yr—”

“I love you! Lothar, my Chosen…I love you…”

He gave a low cry, and then he did push into her. Just a little…then more…and more…

She shifted her hips against him, and abruptly he was deep inside her. His moan of near shock and hers of intense satisfaction mingled; she wrapped her arms around him, slid her hands up and down his back.

Finally…she felt like she’d waited a thousand moons for this moment. Her heart – or the place where it should be – was so full, her whole body thrumming with pleasure and happiness—

But she felt something wet on her face. Looked up to find Lothar staring at her in confusion, a few salty tears running down his cheeks.

She put a hand to his face. “My love?” It felt so right to say it, she couldn’t help but smile a little. “Why do you weep?”

“I…I do not know, I am…” he exhaled and it almost sounded like a bewildered laugh. “I am happy,” he said finally, and her smile widened.

“It is okay to cry if you are happy,” she explained softly, gently wiping the tears away. “It just means you are…overflowing with emotion.”

“It is because of you I have any emotion at all, and it is _for_ you that I overflow, Yrasah. Not just with happiness, but with love,” he whispered.

She squeezed her eyes shut; this gift was more beautiful than anything she could have ever imagined. How could she have guessed that he—

He moved again, putting a stop to all her thoughts, but not to the swell of adoration that waxed with every movement he made.

He was so careful, watching her, making sure he wasn’t doing anything wrong.

“Deeper,” she whispered, then applied her lips to his neck. He withdrew, and pushed a little harder the next time, but she knew he was holding back.

“My love…please…”

“I will hurt you,” he protested, keeping his slow, gentle pace.

“No, I can…” she swallowed, opened her eyes again to find him staring down at her. “I promise, I can take you in.”

With a tortured groan, he thrust into her, deep as she’d asked; then pulled out, and did it again.

“Yr—I can’t—”

“It’s alright my love,” she panted. “Don’t stop…”

He didn’t; and soon his own pleasure overtook him, and with a low cry he buried himself within her, throbbing, hips jerking. She responded with her own hum of pleasure and intense gratification.

She stroked his back as he stilled; she’d been a little afraid that this would go badly, that she would over-explain, or he wouldn’t grasp what he should do. But she’d been so wrong.

He kissed her forehead. “I…I hope that was…”

“It was perfect,” she whispered, tightening her arms around him.

“I agree. I told you I knew…what to expect, but I had no idea it would feel so good…”

“To be honest, neither did I.”

“I am glad I have pleased you,” he said with that little quirk to his mouth. But it quickly disappeared. “But…now what do I do?”

She chuckled and loosed her hold. “Well, I suppose you should…withdraw, and lay on your back, and I will lay next to you, and we will cuddle.”

“Cuddle?”

“Mhmm.” A sharp intake of breath as he pulled away from her – and a moment of confusion, since she’d assumed the aftermath would be…quiet messy. Given that he hadn’t had release in Maker-knew how long. But it wasn’t, which certainly made things a little easier.

She draped an arm and a leg over him, pressing herself into his side, and arranged his arm to wrap around her.

“This is cuddling?” he asked, and when she nodded, he heaved a sigh. “I like this very much. It is almost as good as the other.”

Her chest tightened, and again she had to squeeze her eyes shut for fear she might cry. Emotions overflowing, indeed.

They lay in comfortable silence for a while, the distant crash of the waves lulling Yr nearly to sleep.

“May I ask you something?”

“Mm,” she murmured, pressing a kiss to his neck.

“Do all humans…know how this works? Automatically?”

She chuckled softly. “Not at all. The process between humans can be…just as confusing, and often much more uncomfortable.”

“How are you so skilled at it, then?”

She swallowed. “I…wouldn’t say I’m skilled, I contributed very little to—”

“You are evading the question. Do you not wish to answer?” He wasn’t the least bit accusatory, just curious. She sighed.

“It is…awkward to speak of.”

“Then please do not speak of it, it is of no importance.”

“No, I…I may as well tell you. You told me of your experiences, though they may be few. It’s only fair.”

She took a deep breath. “I was…married, a long time ago.” She hated to think of Audun while she lay here, with Lothar, but it was true – he deserved to know.

“This is a legal bonding between two people, yes?”

She nodded against his shoulder. “For three years, when I was quite young. I very much wanted to leave Cassardis, and I was naïve enough to think that marrying a travelling merchant was the best way to do that.”

“I did not know you disliked your village so much.”

“A specific and stupid series of events led to this dissatisfaction in me. My desire to leave, and my decision to marry. Perhaps I will tell you the details someday, but they are not important now. As often happens…I quickly discovered I had made a mistake. Audun was…not a pleasant man.”

She paused for a moment, unsure what to reveal to Lothar; she didn’t want to lie, when she’d just told him she would reveal the truth, but…she also didn’t want to over share, and upset him.

“What did he do, Yrasah?”

His voice was strange. Hard.

But there was no way to explain how the marriage ended without giving him the full story. Or at least most of it.

“He was…violent. We had an altercation, and I…I threatened to kill him. He didn’t realize I could do it; no one did, in the town we were temporarily living in.”

“Please explain to me what you mean by altercation.”

“Lothar? I don’t think I should tell you any more, you sound—what is wrong? Are you upset because I was married before?”

“Why should that bother me? Unless you are married now, which I assume you are not.”

“Of course not!”

“Your activities in the past do not concern me, but…for some reason, when you say he was unpleasant, violent, I find myself feeling very…angry, I suppose is the best word.”

She squeezed his broad chest with one arm. “I understand. But please calm yourself – it was a long time ago, and as you know I can take care of myself.” He grunted an affirmative, and she went on. “In any case, he…attempted to physically subdue me, and I…I beat him very soundly. He was no bigger than I am, and not very physically adept. But his…yelling could be heard in the neighboring house, and they called the night watch.”

She pursed her lips together for a moment; this part of the story always amused her, and was one of the few pleasant memories she took away from the entire marriage. “When they arrived, we told them there’d been intruders, because he couldn’t bear to let on that I’d defeated him so easily. However…completely coincidentally, they found goods he’d stolen from the village treasury, in the house, and…took him to jail.”

“It seems he got his just reward…for the most part.”

“Well…he was locked up for some time, and I prepared to go back to my parents…and then found that he’d been killed by another criminal in the jail.”

A pause. “Were you…upset?”

“I never wished him _dead_ , not really, but…I can’t say I cried for him when I found out. He was really a most awful and reprehensible person, and I could only regret my stupidity in being fooled by his easy charm over the course of a few weeks.”

Lothar was silent for a few minutes, and she begun to worry she had indeed upset him.

“Thank you for telling me,” he said finally. “I feel—regret, I think, that you experienced this hardship, but I am glad he is gone.” She couldn’t disagree. “I have another question.”

She blinked. “Alright, ask away.”

He cleared his throat. “From my…limited knowledge, I thought that both partners were supposed to…that is, that you should have…”

She raised up a bit so she could look at him. “That doesn’t happen every time, and especially the first time, I mean—”

“So I have failed.”

“No! _Maker_ —my love,” she said sternly, one hand on his cheek. “You already…satisfied me before we even started!”

He stared at her. “You mean…that is what you will do if I…satisfy you while I’m inside you?”

She blushed; stupid to do so, when she was lying naked in his arms and they’d just made love, but…

“Yes,” she mumbled. “Or likely, it will be more…umm…intense, I suppose?”

She was just about to change the subject when his hands shifted on her. “Can we try again?”

Her eyes widened. “What, you mean…right now?”

“Yes, I am…eager to see your face when you—” He broke off when she straddled him, and indeed she suppressed a gasp to find he was already hard again. “Can we do it like this?”

She smiled, nodded breathlessly. She was a bit sore, but she not so much that she wanted to refuse him.

She moved over him, her hands on his chest, his on her thighs. And then slid down on him, easily taking all of him in at once; she was still wet from the first time.

“Y-yr,” he breathed, his eyes fluttering shut.

If he wanted to make her come, it was easy enough for her to bring that about, in this position; slowly she began moving back and forth, and soon found a motion that pressed against just the right spot.

She felt bold, now – she had little experience of what she was about to do, but just enough to want to try it with him. She needn’t ask him, now, if he minded; after even so short a time she felt confident he would take no issue.

She took his hand, and guided it to rest on her upper thigh. Then she moved his thumb between her legs.

Immediately he began stroking her, as she moved back and forth on him, and sooner than she thought possible she felt her climax approaching.

_But Maker, he was so hard—_

A few little whimpers escaped her as the waves began to crest; he too was breathing heavily, and watched her with avid interest as she got closer and closer.

She took a deep breath – one more – and then—

A wail of pleasure as her body broke into a thousand fragments, radiating ecstasy down every nerve, pulsing out from where he pressed between her legs. She almost cried it felt so good, a climax more intense than any she’d felt before.

When it was over, she gripped his wrist, and he obediently pulled his hand away. She slumped over his chest, her own heaving. His hands gripped her thighs, and she felt him move within her as a quiet groan fell from his lips.

“Yr, that’s… _Maker’s breath_ ,” he panted, and her brow furrowed for a moment at the strange exclamation.

Then she leaned back, raised her hips, and then dropped back down on him.

“Ah! I thought—I thought that was—”

“You’re not…getting out of this…that easily,” Yr breathed with a smile full of mischief—and desire. She continued, and watched as his eyes focused on her chest, breasts bouncing as she rode him. He reached up to cup one, and she leaned forward, pressing it into his hand, not slowing her movements.

His breaths came faster and faster – she knew he would come soon; if they had more time she might again as well, but she wanted to do this for him, more than she wanted to climax again.

“I—”

“Yes, my love….” she encouraged him, now understanding what he meant when he’d wanted to bring her release again. His little noises of pleasure were almost more than she could handle.

Finally he gripped her waist and brought her down on him, hard, and with a hoarse cry he came inside her once more. The feeling of his length pulsing inside her, the sound he made, was sublime; her head fell back, and she breathed a noise of great satisfaction.

Exhausted, she quickly lowered herself onto his chest, neither speaking until they’d regained their breath. He wrapped his arms around her, and when a cool evening breeze blew in from the ocean, he pulled one of the blankets to cover them.

“I love you, Arisen,” he whispered, barely loud enough for her to hear. She smiled against him, and turned to press a kiss to one glorious chest muscle.

“And I you, my Chosen…”

“It would seem…that one of the drawbacks to the changes in me…is that I now wonder about things that I should not.”

The sad note in his voice bothered her. “What do you mean?”

“I find myself wondering, and wishing – what if we could just stay here? What if we could leave the dragon be, and you could…renounce the title of Arisen, and we could just live. And be in love.”

Tears welled in her eyes. She raised up to look at him. “I am sorry I have brought this on you, Lothar. No – I know you don’t mean you regret it. But I am sorry nonetheless, that we cannot just…be, together, and this will always hang over us until I end it.”

“You _will_ end it, though, Yrasah. It is new, for me to believe in things, but if I believe in anything, it is your determination, and the strength of your soul.”

She smiled through her tears. “If you believe in me I feel like I cannot fail.”

She moved up a little so she could reach his lips. Kissed him softly. “I promise, I will succeed. For all the people of Gransys, yes. But also for us.”

# ***

When Yr awoke, the sun was just setting over the waves. She was debating whether to risk waking Lothar, but it was getting cold, and they’d either have to head back or light the firepit soon. She needn’t have worried.

“I should ready a fire,” he murmured, and began to ease out of her embrace.

“Wait…” She stood with him, but pulled him and the blanket to the cave entrance.

Warm amber light washed over them, the sky a myriad of harmonious hues. She tossed the blanket over his shoulders, and then turned and stood before him, pulling his arms around her.

He wrapped the blanket around them both, and for several minutes they watched in silence as the deep orange of the sun sank and then dipped out of sight beneath far off waves.

“Any time I have seen the sun set, there has been no meaning to it. Nothing to feel – it merely was. Now…it is almost…painful, the weight of these emotions.”

Yr nodded. “Like it’s just…too much, how can a person contain all this?”

“Mm. If it is so for you, imagine my consternation,” he said with what might be a laugh.

“I hope…the change is more good than bad.”

“You know it is,” he whispered. He turned her around, smoothed tousled hair away from her face. Hesitated a moment, searching her eyes. “My love.”

Yr’s chin trembled, and she could do naught but kiss him to explain the depth of her feelings.

She thought suddenly of what was in her pants pocket, in her pile of clothes discarded by the fire.

“I suppose we should light the fire, unless you want to go back now…”

“I do not.”

She grinned and kissed his chin. “Then we are in agreement.” Once she was dressed again, she headed for the trail down to the beach, which was quite a bit more treacherous than the one from the city.  “I’ll return in a moment,” she called before she grabbed the pole by the entrance and hurried out.

She wasn’t terribly good at fishing – a running joke in her family full of fishermen – but she thought surely she could catch one or two for them to eat this evening. She’d found the pole in the cave – and worried briefly that someone might try to enter it while she and Lothar were there – but it had been unused for quite a long time, and you could hear anyone coming down the rock-strewn path long before they reached the entrance. She hadn’t thought she’d be using the pole, but she knew Lothar would be hungry, and she hadn’t brought much more food than what they’d eaten earlier.

Luck was with her, and after fifteen minutes out in the warm waters of the bay, wading in the near-dark, she’d caught two decent sized fish. She tugged her boots back on over wet feet and scurried back up the trail with her catch.

Lothar was at the entrance to the cave. “Making sure I didn’t drown?” she asked flippantly as she passed him with a kiss on the cheek.

“I am still your protector, even if you have seen me naked,” he replied.

She snorted and nearly dropped her fish. “I hope you don’t make any jokes like that in front of Ser Maximilian, or Barnaby…”

“I am…mostly aware of what is appropriate and what is not,” he said with a little less confidence than she was hoping for, but she just shook her head. Even if he did, what would they do? Scold? Be shocked? Did she care? Not in the slightest.

She cleaned the fish with her boot knife, then laid them on the rough cooking grate over the fire Lothar had built.

“You are very industrious,” he murmured, watching the fish begin to cook.

“Hardly – I just come from a fishing village, remember?” She poured a little water over her hands from a flash in the picnic basket, and dried them. Then put a hand in her pocket.

“I…I have something I want to give you,” she said, suddenly rather shy.

He drew closer to her, took her other hand. “You have already given me so much, Yrasah.”

She smiled at his unfailing sweetness. Then took a deep breath. She took her hand out of her pocket, and opened it to reveal a ring.  “If…if you will accept it…”

His eyes fixed on the glint of gold in her palm, some phrase in a flowing script, its language unknown, catching the light of the fire.

“This is…the Arisen’s Bond.” He didn’t sound…displeased, nor did he sound happy…

Yr’s anxiety swelled. “Y-you don’t have to…to wear it, if you didn’t want people to—”

“Yrasah,” he whispered, finally raising his eyes to hers again. “I am…I would be honored. It is very unexpected, that is all.” He gingerly took the ring from her outstretched hand, turning it between his fingers.

“You can’t have thought I would give it to another?” She searched his face for any sign of disquiet.

His brows drew together. “In fact, I…”

She had never seen him at such a loss; even with his newfound emotions, the unfamiliar sensations he might be struggling to come to terms with at any given time, he had never seemed so…disconcerted.

She wanted to comfort him, ask him what troubled him; on the other hand, she didn’t want to rush him.

Finally he took a deep breath, and slowly slipped the ring onto his finger.

It fit – as she’d hoped it would, since she’d had it sized for him. To her best guess anyway.

“I suppose, even with everything we shared, and your words of love, there was some…unreasonable doubt in my mind…that perhaps I did not mean as much to you as I hoped.”

Shock colored her face, but was immediately overtaken by understanding. She of all people could comprehend what it was to worry far too much about things that couldn’t be changed, or imagine negative outcomes to situations. His anxiety was only human.

She put her arms around him, and he quickly reciprocated – practiced, now, at embracing her. That, at least, they’d been able to share several times over the past week.

“I hope now you believe I mean what I say,” she murmured, voice disappearing against his chest.

“Mm,” he rumbled, and she squeezed him tighter. “I do, Yrasah. And I thank you.”

# ***

They ate the fish she’d caught, and Lothar then pulled her back to the blankets by the fire.

“Is it permitted to cuddle at any time? Or is that just after joining?”

She laughed with delight. “Any time is fine,” she asserted. “It is even a nice substitute when umm…joining is not possible.”

“Such as…the bandit camp?”

“Exactly.”

“Oh, but in such situations one would not be naked, correct?”

She snorted. “Er, no, you’d have to…cuddle with your clothes on.”

“Understood. Now—”

She laughed again as he pulled her over him, tucking her head in the crook of his neck. “I never could have imagined this would be your favorite thing about being together.”

He thought about this for a moment. “Well, we have not been…together…for very long, so I assume there are many experiences yet ahead of us. But I am confident this will remain one of my favorite activities, yes.”

She kissed his jaw. “Tell me some stories. About other humans you’ve served. Perhaps not,” she added hurriedly, “about the one that went to brothels.”

“It is strange to think that they…commanded me, once.”

“I cannot imagine it,” she murmured.

“It should not affect me – it was in the past, I was a Pawn, and I did as I was requested. We do have…preferences to some extent. Morals. It is not as if any one of us could be hired as an assassin,” he explained. She had some idea of this, but was glad to hear him describe it. “But still, I feel…distaste for some of the things I agreed to do. I would rather not speak of it.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t…think of that. Of course, we needn’t discuss it.” She paused. “Or perhaps…you could think of one you served, or deeds you did, that now bring you happiness to remember?”

“Hmm.” He was silent for several minutes, lost in thought, and she worried she’d brought something up that she should have left alone. But finally he spoke again. “Once a boy hired me to protect his mother from his father.”

Yr swallowed. She couldn’t speak – her throat was suddenly choked with hot tears.

“It was fairly recent, in fact. Barnaby initially refused him, but the boy came back later because he didn’t have the payment the mercenaries wanted. I was returning from a contract and overheard their conversation.”

“Let me guess, you offered your services,” she murmured, her voice rough.

“Actually the boy practically commanded me to help him,” he clarified. “He told me I was exactly what he needed, and informed Barnaby he was hiring me, and that was that. Barnaby just shrugged and drew up the documents.”

“I assume his father was…abusing his mother?”

He made an affirmative noise. “And unlike…some women I know, she was frail. Unable to defend herself.”

Yr squeezed her eyes shut. She might have been _able_ to defend herself, but she shouldn’t have had to. But she was lucky. “What did you do?”

He took a deep breath, then exhaled, before answering.

“I killed him.”

Yrasah sat up abruptly. “Like…in a fight, or?”

“He came home, and I was there, as the boy had instructed. He shouted at me quite a bit, which of course did not affect me, but once he was done accusing me of cuckolding him, and grasped that I was indeed there as protector for his wife and child, he told me that once I left he would punish them. That I could not stay there forever.”

“What a gutter dwelling piece of horse shit!”

His gaze had been fixed on the ceiling of the cave, but at this he glanced at her. “Indeed. I had already explained to the boy that the man might be injured, possibly even killed, if he chose to attack me; I need not fight to the death, but nothing is certain in such an altercation.”

“He did not object?”

“Far from it. Now I think perhaps he was a bit bloodthirsty for his age, but at the time I did not know the difference. He told me that the man was not even, in fact, his real father, but had been there for several years, and he did not care if I killed him or not.”

“My goodness…although I suppose I cannot blame him.”

“Yes. His mother may have had different instructions; however, at the time, I had entered no agreement with her, and I did not…consider consulting her beforehand.”

She heard the slight ring of guilt in his voice. “I am sure it was for the best anyway. I have known some women…who do not realize how bad their situation is, so they…” She sighed. “In any case, go on.”

“There is not much else to tell. The man made his threat; I drew my sword. He did as well, but was mostly without skill, and I defeated him swiftly.” He stared at the ceiling, eyes contemplative. “I wonder, now, what made me do that – it is possible I could have found some other solution. In my current state, I would certainly do it again, but I would have clear reasons. Back then…I do not know what my reasons were.”

Yr searched his eyes. “Perhaps…perhaps there is some vestige of humanity in all of you, but something about the Rift...dulls it, or neutralizes it? I do not know, but…it seems to me you had principals even then. A lot more than many humans do, obviously.”

He regarded her carefully. “You…do not think I was wrong to do this? I essentially murdered him ‘in cold blood’ as the saying goes.”

“You did no such thing. You confronted him, and he showed that he would be a grave threat if left unattended. You prevented further harm to that boy and his mother.”

“I am glad you see it this way. I confess, I do not feel guilt over it. The boy’s mother was…less than pleased, but he pronounced our contract fulfilled, and I returned to the Rift and thought no more about it.”

She settled back against him. “Thank you for sharing this with me. I feel a kinship for this family, as I’m sure you guessed.”

“I did, but…there is another reason I have told you about this.”

“Oh?”

“The man I killed, the woman’s husband…”

She waited, intrigued, to see what part of the story he’d left out.

“His name was Audun.”


	8. Mild Version of Chapter 7 (no NSFW)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NSFW only mentioned vaguely, not described. Please see previous chapter for Full Smash Version (lol)

Soon enough they were on their way, and he followed obediently enough until they got to the outer wall.

“Where exactly are we meeting this…Lord Wilhem?” he asked curiously as she passed through it, down a flight of stairs, and then out another, larger door, one barred from the inside.

“It’s…complicated,” she said vaguely. Excitement had been warring with anxiety the entire way, ebbing and flowing, each vying for supremacy in her head – and her belly. Right now excitement was winning, and she was hard put to contain a broad smile that threatened to reveal itself as she took his hand, leading him toward a path along the hillside.

Soon Yr was practically scrambling down the path, waves crashing below.

“Please be careful, I cannot protect you from yourself,” he grumbled, and at this she stopped, and threw her arms around his neck.

He looked at her in surprise. “I did not think scolding you would earn your embraces.”

“You sass me more and more every day,” she murmured, planting a kiss on the corner of his mouth. “I greatly enjoy it.”

“I will have to remember that,” he replied, slightly breathless. She threw him a mischievous smile as she released him and hurried on to their destination.

She’d have to be careful not to rush things – she already wanted him badly, and the smell of his soap and freshly laundered shirt wasn’t helping.

“I am growing more and more certain that you have…told me an untruth,” he murmured behind her, but he didn’t sound angry.

“Yes, well…I…want to show you something very important.”

“You could have just told me that…”

“It’s more fun this way!” she insisted, trotting the last few yards to their destination.

She almost forgot to tell him to close his eyes before they rounded the corner.

“I fail to see the purpose of this exercise,” he mumbled in confusion as she led him by the hand. “I thought you wished to show me something, but now you tell me not to look—”

“It’s meant to be a surprise,” she explained, smiling at his bewilderment. “So you see it all at once, in a rush.”

“I suppose I will trust you to—”

“Alright, now you can look.”

His eyes flew open. In front of them was a cave – a wide opening onto the sea, and inside a larger cavern with a couple torches set in the walls. A little table sat to the side with a bottle of wine, a picnic basket next to it. A firepit was in the center, cold now but it would later be lit, and just next to it was a large pile of blankets and pillows.

Suddenly, as she looked around, Yr’s stomach tied in knots, and not the pleasant kind. Her anxiety crested again, and she felt embarrassed, almost ashamed. This was stupid – he would not wish for any of it, he wouldn’t understand and she would feel foolish, what was she thinking? And the blankets! It was so…obvious, so crude!

She bit her lip, stared at the ground to avoid looking at him. She didn’t want to see the confusion, the skepticism in his face.

He put a hand under her chin, turning her face to his. “You have done this…for us?”

Tears pricked her eyes; she nodded. “I’m sorry if it’s stupid, I just…I thought it would be nice if we could—”

For the first time, he kissed _her_ , and now the tears that wet her lashes were happy ones.

“It is very nice,” he whispered against her lips, then put his forehead against hers. “Thank you.”

How had he learned to be romantic so impossibly quickly? The rate at which his adoption of human customs progressed – even ones he had no experience with – never ceased to amaze her.

She was supposed to be the one with romantic knowledge. She had been married for a while, after all, little though she liked to remember that part of her life. But the fact remained, she knew more than he possibly could, and yet…and yet his sincerity was more beautiful to her than any practiced touches.

They could practice together, after all.

She remembered she promised him food, and took his hand to lead him to the little table.

“Did you do all this yourself?” he asked as she pulled bread, cheese, fruit, and a little slab of ham out of the basket.

“Ava helped me,” she admitted, glancing up to see how he would take this news.

His fraction of a smile appeared. “I thought something was strange about her when we spoke today.”

“I hope she’s not feeling…guilty about telling a lie for me,” Yr worried.

“Guilty is not a word I would choose to describe her.” He sat on one of the barrels that served as chairs, and began cutting the bread.

“Oh?”

“I am, of course, not the best judge of such things, but she seemed…I do not know how to describe it. Bouncy?”

Yr just stared at him.

“That is not the word, but she seemed to be bobbing up and down on her toes, and her eyes were…”

He tilted his head as if remembering the details. “Come to think of it…her eyes were almost human. They were quite…expressive. For her, anyway. Or any pawn, for that matter.”

Yr wondered if it was her place to let him know what she and Ava had discovered, but she supposed Ava knew quite a bit about Lothar’s situation, so it only seemed fair she could share this.

“Ava has been…affected. By her association with me.”

“Do you mean…as I have?”

“Not in nearly the same magnitude, but yes. Her sense of taste and touch are more pronounced, and she’s been feeling more…emotion.”

“Good.”

“…Good?”

“Of course it is good. The transformation I have undergone has allowed me to…” He broke off suddenly, glanced at her with a slight flush. “The more I can feel, the more I enjoy life,” he said finally, quietly, and Yr put her hand over his where it rested on the table. “If Ava can have a small measure of this…I am pleased for her.”

“That is very sweet of you.”

“What other attitude could I have? It would be…what is the word…hypocritical to consider it wrong for her to have a little of what I enjoy.”

“Yes, but all the same…I think it says a lot about you.”

“As you say, Arisen.”

“Lothar…would it be…too much to ask for you to use my name when we are alone?” She hoped she didn’t sound like she was nagging. “If you are not comfortable with it, it’s fine, I just—”

He stood, setting down his cup of wine as he finished it off, and she realized he’d eaten the entire hunk of ham and most of the bread and cheese. He really did eat quite a lot…

He reached his hand down to her, and she took it, looking at him curiously, trying to determine what strange mood he was suddenly in.

But he pulled her close to him, and she forgot to wonder about much of anything.

“As you command, _Yrasah_.”

His voice was suddenly low and warm, and heat washed over her as he drew her closer.

“My Chosen,” Yr whispered, touching his face. “That’s what Ava calls you, and what I shall call you, to anyone who asks.”

This time his smile, though faint, touched both sides of his mouth. “If there is a Maker, he has my eternal thanks for that choice.”

# ***

Some time later, he kissed her forehead. “I…I hope that was…”

“It was perfect,” she whispered, tightening her arms around him.

“I agree. I told you I knew…what to expect, but I had no idea it would feel so good…”

“To be honest, neither did I.”

“I am glad I have pleased you,” he said with that little quirk to his mouth. But it quickly disappeared. “But…now what do I do?”

She chuckled and loosed her hold. “Well, I suppose you should…turn over and lay on your back, and I will lay next to you, and we will cuddle.”

“Cuddle?”

“Mhmm.” He did as she instructed, and she draped an arm and a leg over him, pressing herself into his side, and arranged his arm to wrap around her.

“This is cuddling?” he asked, and when she nodded, he heaved a sigh. “I like this very much. It is almost as good as the other.”

Her chest tightened, and again she had to squeeze her eyes shut for fear she might cry. Emotions overflowing, indeed.

They lay in comfortable silence for a while, the distant crash of the waves lulling Yr nearly to sleep.

“May I ask you something?”

“Mm,” she murmured, pressing a kiss to his neck.

“Do all humans…know how this works? Automatically?”

She chuckled softly. “Not at all. The process between humans can be…just as confusing, and often much more uncomfortable.”

“How are you so skilled at it, then?”

She swallowed. “I…wouldn’t say I’m skilled, I contributed very little to—”

“You are evading the question. Do you not wish to answer?” He wasn’t the least bit accusatory, just curious. She sighed.

“It is…awkward to speak of.”

“Then please do not speak of it, it is of no importance.”

“No, I…I may as well tell you. You told me of your experiences, though they may be few. It’s only fair.”

She took a deep breath. “I was…married, a long time ago.” She hated to think of Audun while she lay here, with Lothar, but it was true – he deserved to know.

“This is a legal bonding between two people, yes?”

She nodded against his shoulder. “For three years, when I was quite young. I very much wanted to leave Cassardis, and I was naïve enough to think that marrying a travelling merchant was the best way to do that.”

“I did not know you disliked your village so much.”

“A specific and stupid series of events led to this dissatisfaction in me. My desire to leave, and my decision to marry. Perhaps I will tell you the details someday, but they are not important now. As often happens…I quickly discovered I had made a mistake. Audun was…not a pleasant man.”

She paused for a moment, unsure what to reveal to Lothar; she didn’t want to lie, when she’d just told him she would reveal the truth, but…she also didn’t want to over share, and upset him.

“What did he do, Yrasah?”

His voice was strange. Hard.

But there was no way to explain how the marriage ended without giving him the full story. Or at least most of it.

“He was…violent. We had an altercation, and I…I threatened to kill him. He didn’t realize I could do it; no one did, in the town we were temporarily living in.”

“Please explain to me what you mean by altercation.”

“Lothar? I don’t think I should tell you any more, you sound—what is wrong? Are you upset because I was married before?”

“Why should that bother me? Unless you are married now, which I assume you are not.”

“Of course not!”

“Your activities in the past do not concern me, but…for some reason, when you say he was unpleasant, violent, I find myself feeling very…angry, I suppose is the best word.”

She squeezed his broad chest with one arm. “I understand. But please calm yourself – it was a long time ago, and as you know I can take care of myself.” He grunted an affirmative, and she went on. “In any case, he…attempted to physically subdue me, and I…I beat him very soundly. He was no bigger than I am, and not very physically adept. But his…yelling could be heard in the neighboring house, and they called the night watch.”

She pursed her lips together for a moment; this part of the story always amused her, and was one of the few pleasant memories she took away from the entire marriage. “When they arrived, we told them there’d been intruders, because he couldn’t bear to let on that I’d defeated him so easily. However…completely coincidentally, they found goods he’d stolen from the village treasury, in the house, and…took him to jail.”

“It seems he got his just reward…for the most part.”

“Well…he was locked up for some time, and I prepared to go back to my parents…and then found that he’d been killed by another criminal in the jail.”

A pause. “Were you…upset?”

“I never wished him _dead_ , not really, but…I can’t say I cried for him when I found out. He was really a most awful and reprehensible person, and I could only regret my stupidity in being fooled by his easy charm over the course of a few weeks.”

Lothar was silent for a few minutes, and she begun to worry she had indeed upset him.

“Thank you for telling me,” he said finally. “I feel—regret, I think, that you experienced this hardship, but I am glad he is gone.” She couldn’t disagree.

He wrapped his arms around her, and when a cool evening breeze blew in from the ocean, he pulled one of the blankets to cover them.

“I love you, Arisen,” he whispered, barely loud enough for her to hear. She smiled against him, and turned to press a kiss to one glorious chest muscle.

“And I you, my Chosen…”

“It would seem…that one of the drawbacks to the changes in me…is that I now wonder about things that I should not.”

The sad note in his voice bothered her. “What do you mean?”

“I find myself wondering, and wishing – what if we could just stay here? What if we could leave the dragon be, and you could…renounce the title of Arisen, and we could just live. And be in love.”

Tears welled in her eyes. She raised up to look at him. “I am sorry I have brought this on you, Lothar. No – I know you don’t mean you regret it. But I am sorry nonetheless, that we cannot just…be, together, and this will always hang over us until I end it.”

“You _will_ end it, though, Yrasah. It is new, for me to believe in things, but if I believe in anything, it is your determination, and the strength of your soul.”

She smiled through her tears. “If you believe in me I feel like I cannot fail.”

She moved up a little so she could reach his lips. Kissed him softly. “I promise, I will succeed. For all the people of Gransys, yes. But also for us.”

# ***

When Yr awoke, the sun was just setting over the waves. She was debating whether to risk waking Lothar, but it was getting cold, and they’d either have to head back or light the firepit soon. She needn’t have worried.

“I should ready a fire,” he murmured, and began to ease out of her embrace.

“Wait…” She stood with him, but pulled him and the blanket to the cave entrance.

Warm amber light washed over them, the sky a myriad of harmonious hues. She tossed the blanket over his shoulders, and then turned and stood before him, pulling his arms around her.

He wrapped the blanket around them both, and for several minutes they watched in silence as the deep orange of the sun sank and then dipped out of sight beneath far off waves.

“Any time I have seen the sun set, there has been no meaning to it. Nothing to feel – it merely _was_. Now…it is almost…painful, the weight of these emotions.”

Yr nodded. “Like it’s just…too much, how can a person contain all this?”

“Mm. If it is so for you, imagine my consternation,” he said with what might be a laugh.

“I hope…the change is more good than bad.”

“You know it is,” he whispered. He turned her around, smoothed tousled hair away from her face. Hesitated a moment, searching her eyes. “My love.”

Yr’s chin trembled, and she could do naught but kiss him to explain the depth of her feelings.

She thought suddenly of what was in her pants pocket, in her pile of clothes discarded by the fire.

“I suppose we should light the fire, unless you want to go back now…”

“I do not.”

She grinned and kissed his chin. “Then we are in agreement.” Once she was dressed again, she headed for the trail down to the beach, which was quite a bit more treacherous than the one from the city.  “I’ll return in a moment,” she called before she grabbed the pole by the entrance and hurried out.

She wasn’t terribly good at fishing – a running joke in her family full of fishermen – but she thought surely she could catch one or two for them to eat this evening. She’d found the pole in the cave – and worried briefly that someone might try to enter it while she and Lothar were there – but it had been unused for quite a long time, and they would hear anyone coming down the rock-strewn path long before they reached the entrance. She hadn’t thought she’d be using the pole, but she knew Lothar would be hungry, and she hadn’t brought much more food than what they’d eaten earlier.

Luck was with her, and after fifteen minutes out in the warm waters of the bay, wading in the near-dark, she’d caught two decent sized fish. She tugged her boots back on over wet feet and scurried back up the trail with her catch.

Lothar was at the entrance to the cave. “Making sure I didn’t drown?” she asked flippantly as she passed him with a kiss on the cheek.

“I am still your protector, even if you have seen me naked,” he replied.

She snorted and nearly dropped her fish. “I hope you don’t make any jokes like that in front of Ser Maximilian, or Barnaby…”

“I am…mostly aware of what is appropriate and what is not,” he said with a little less confidence than she was hoping for, but she just shook her head. Even if he did, what would they do? Scold? Be shocked? Did she care? Not in the slightest.

She cleaned the fish with her boot knife, then laid them on the rough cooking grate over the fire Lothar had built.

“You are very industrious,” he murmured, watching the fish begin to cook.

“Hardly – I just come from a fishing village, remember?” She poured a little water over her hands from a flash in the picnic basket, and dried them. Then put a hand in her pocket.

“I…I have something I want to give you,” she said, suddenly rather shy.

He drew closer to her, took her other hand. “You have already given me so much, Yrasah.”

She smiled at his unfailing sweetness. Then took a deep breath. She took her hand out of her pocket, and opened it to reveal a ring.  “If…if you will accept it…”

His eyes fixed on the glint of gold in her palm, some phrase in a flowing script, its language unknown, catching the light of the fire.

“This is…the Arisen’s Bond.” He didn’t sound…displeased, nor did he sound happy…

Yr’s anxiety swelled. “Y-you don’t have to…to wear it, if you didn’t want people to—”

“Yrasah,” he whispered, finally raising his eyes to hers again. “I am…I would be honored. It is very unexpected, that is all.” He gingerly took the ring from her outstretched hand, turning it between his fingers.

“You can’t have thought I would give it to another?” She searched his face for any sign of disquiet.

His brows drew together. “In fact, I…”

She had never seen him at such a loss; even with his newfound emotions, the unfamiliar sensations he might be struggling to come to terms with at any given time, he had never seemed so…disconcerted.

She wanted to comfort him, ask him what troubled him; on the other hand, she didn’t want to rush him.

Finally he took a deep breath, and slowly slipped the ring onto his finger.

It fit – as she’d hoped it would, since she’d had it sized for him. To her best guess anyway.

“I suppose, even with everything we shared, and your words of love, there was some…unreasonable doubt in my mind…that perhaps I did not mean as much to you as I hoped.”

Shock colored her face, but was immediately overtaken by understanding. She of all people could comprehend what it was to worry far too much about things that couldn’t be changed, or imagine negative outcomes to situations. His anxiety was only human.

She put her arms around him, and he quickly reciprocated – practiced, now, at embracing her. That, at least, they’d been able to share several times over the past week.

“I hope now you believe I mean what I say,” she murmured, voice disappearing against his chest.

“Mm,” he rumbled, and she squeezed him tighter. “I do, Yrasah. And I thank you.”

# ***

They ate the fish she’d caught, and Lothar then pulled her back to the blankets by the fire.

“Is it permitted to cuddle at any time? Or is that just after joining?”

She laughed with delight. “Any time is fine,” she asserted. “It is even a nice substitute when umm…joining is not possible.”

“Such as…the bandit camp?”

“Exactly.”

“Oh, but in such situations one would not be naked, correct?”

She snorted. “Er, no, you’d have to…cuddle with your clothes on.”

“Understood. Now—”

She laughed again as he pulled her over him, tucking her head in the crook of his neck. “I never could have imagined this would be your favorite thing about being together.”

He thought about this for a moment. “Well, we have not been…together…for very long, so I assume there are many experiences yet ahead of us. But I am confident this will remain one of my favorite activities, yes.”

She kissed his jaw. “Tell me some stories. About other humans you’ve served. Perhaps,” she added hurriedly, “ _not_ about the one that went to brothels.”

“It is strange to think that they…commanded me, once.”

“I cannot imagine it,” she murmured.

“It should not affect me – it was in the past, I was a Pawn, and I did as I was requested. We do have…preferences to some extent. Morals. It is not as if any one of us could be hired as an assassin,” he explained. She had some idea of this, but was glad to hear him describe it. “But still, I feel…distaste for some of the things I agreed to do. I would rather not speak of it.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t…think of that. Of course, we needn’t discuss it.” She paused. “Or perhaps…you could think of one you served, or deeds you did, that now bring you happiness to remember?”

“Hmm.” He was silent for several minutes, lost in thought, and she worried she’d brought something up that she should have left alone. But finally he spoke again. “Once a boy hired me to protect his mother from his father.”

Yr swallowed. She couldn’t speak – her throat was suddenly choked with hot tears.

“It was fairly recent, in fact. Barnaby initially refused him, but the boy came back later because he didn’t have the payment the mercenaries wanted. I was returning from a contract and overheard their conversation.”

“Let me guess, you offered your services,” she murmured, her voice rough.

“Actually the boy practically commanded me to help him,” he clarified. “He told me I was exactly what he needed, and informed Barnaby he was hiring me, and that was that. Barnaby just shrugged and drew up the documents.”

“I assume his father was…abusing his mother?”

He made an affirmative noise. “And unlike…some women I know, she was frail. Unable to defend herself.”

Yr squeezed her eyes shut. She might have been _able_ to defend herself, but she shouldn’t have had to. But she was lucky. “What did you do?”

He took a deep breath, then exhaled, before answering.

“I killed him.”

Yrasah sat up abruptly. “Like…in a fight, or?”

“He came home, and I was there, as the boy had instructed. He shouted at me quite a bit, which of course did not affect me, but once he was done accusing me of cuckolding him, and grasped that I was indeed there as protector for his wife and child, he told me that once I left he would punish them. That I could not stay there forever.”

“What a gutter dwelling piece of horse shit!”

His gaze had been fixed on the ceiling of the cave, but at this he glanced at her. “Indeed. I had already explained to the boy that the man might be injured, possibly even killed, if he chose to attack me; I need not fight to the death, but nothing is certain in such an altercation.”

“He did not object?”

“Far from it. Now I think perhaps he was a bit bloodthirsty for his age, but at the time I did not know the difference. He told me that the man was not even, in fact, his real father, but had been there for several years, and he did not care if I killed him or not.”

“My goodness…although I suppose I cannot blame him.”

“Yes. His mother may have had different instructions; however, at the time, I had entered no agreement with her, and I did not…consider consulting her beforehand.”

She heard the slight ring of guilt in his voice. “I am sure it was for the best anyway. I have known some women…who do not realize how bad their situation is, so they…” She sighed. “In any case, go on.”

“There is not much else to tell. The man made his threat; I drew my sword. He did as well, but was mostly without skill, and I defeated him swiftly.” He stared at the ceiling, eyes contemplative. “I wonder, now, what made me do that – it is possible I could have found some other solution. In my current state, I would certainly do it again, but I would have clear reasons. Back then…I do not know what my reasons were.”

Yr searched his eyes. “Perhaps…perhaps there is some vestige of humanity in all of you, but something about the Rift...dulls it, or neutralizes it? I do not know, but…it seems to me you had principals even then. A lot more than many humans do, obviously.”

He regarded her carefully. “You…do not think I was wrong to do this? I essentially murdered him ‘in cold blood’ as the saying goes.”

“You did no such thing. You confronted him, and he showed that he would be a grave threat if left unattended. You prevented further harm to that boy and his mother.”

“I am glad you see it this way. I confess, I do not feel guilt over it. The boy’s mother was…less than pleased, but he pronounced our contract fulfilled, and I returned to the Rift and thought no more about it.”

She settled back against him. “Thank you for sharing this with me. I feel a kinship for this family, as I’m sure you guessed.”

“I did, but…there is another reason I have told you about this.”

“Oh?”

“The man I killed, the woman’s husband…”

She waited, intrigued, to see what part of the story he’d left out.

“His name was Audun.”


	9. Chapter 9

Yr’s breath hitched, but she forced out a nervous laugh. “That’s…a strange coincidence…”

“It is not a coincidence.”

She swallowed. “That’s impossible. I told you, Audun was killed when—”

“Did they allow you to send his body to sea?”

She stared, eyes huge, at the ceiling of the cave, the shadows from the fire flickering over the stone. “N-no.”

“What did he look like?”

She took two deep breaths before she could answer. “He was of a size with me…his hair was pale and long, and he had…he had a tattoo on his hand.”

Lothar was silent, and she took this as confirmation.

“But how is that possible! Why—why would they tell me he died?”

“Is it possible that they lied? Were bribed?”

Yr shook her head, but not in denial. In abject confusion. “I…I suppose…when was this? When did you help this boy?” Her last chance to prove he was wrong, that what she’d believed happened all those years ago was not being turned on its head.

“A year or two, no more.”

“But…but how do you know, you said that time doesn’t pass in the Rift so it could have—”

“I inquired of the boy,” Lothar replied, turning on his side to look at her.

She sighed heavily. Her eyes itched, but she wasn’t sure what she was overcome with. Certainly not regret at Audun’s real fate.

“I think I was wrong to reveal this to you,” Lothar said with concern. “I am sorry, I thought it only right that you know the truth—”

“It is right,” she said flatly, still not looking at him, eyes staring blankly above.

“But you are very distressed,” he replied, his worry obvious.

“I wonder how many women he tormented before you finally did him in?” The almost idle curiosity in her voice was belied by a hard edge, jaw slightly clenched, nostrils flared.

Lothar said nothing, just searched her face, his brow drawn together. He seemed nervous to touch her, as if it might shatter her restraint.

“If I had killed him in the first place,” she went on, through now obviously gritted teeth, “that woman would have been safe. And who knows how many others.”

Lothar blinked. “Do you…insinuate you are at fault for her misfortune?”

“I easily could have killed him. But I was young, and…afraid of the consequences. And stupid.”

“It does not seem stupid to avoid being put in jail for killing a man.”

Yr sat up abruptly, shoulders rigid. “I could have told the soldiers we’d been attacked. They would have believed me. I was just a young woman after all…”

“I suppose that may have worked, but you cannot be sure.”

She glanced sidelong at him. “Yes. But now I…”

She sighed heavily, slumping forward a bit, and finally Lothar moved forward, gingerly putting his arms around her.

“I do not understand your distress,” he whispered, “and I am sorry. I did not mean to cause this.”

She shook her head. “It is not your fault, my love. I just…for so many years I did my best to forget. It made me…ill. To think of it. But I could have…I could have been _doing_ something!”

“But you did not know that—”

“No, you’re right, I didn’t know about her. But when I got away from him, instead of…of going back to my parents, to my village, and hiding, I—” She broke off and made a frustrated noise. She was so ashamed of herself for doing nothing…

Suddenly a martial glint came into her eyes, and she raised her chin. “But I can do something now. And now it’s not just me, I have your help! That is…” She turned to him, focusing on him again for the first time since his revelation. “That is, if you do not mind. If you agree.”

“Of course I will help you.”

She chuckled wearily. “You don’t even know what I intend to do. I don’t want you to just agree because I’m the Arisen, Lothar.”

“I do not agree because you are the Arisen. I agree because you are you. Your morals have never been in question.”

Her eyes stung with tears for a moment. He made a little noise of surprise when she threw her arms around his neck. “Thank you,” she whispered. “You did more than I could, you managed to rid the world of him.”

She leaned back, and looked him in the eye. “Based on what you told me, I believe you will be perfectly amenable to helping me rid Gransys of others like him. But…I would like to have your blessing, all the same.”

He shook his head. “I do not know what use it would be, a blessing from a Pawn,” he said, almost sadly. “But if you wish it, I will give it. I will help you in any way I may.”

“You are not just a Pawn, remember?” She brushed a strand of hair from his face, the space in her chest swelling with love for him. “You are my Chosen.”


End file.
